Working mother's guilt: How to deal with absence and emotional conflict

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November 20, 2:09 AM

by Leslie Seppinni, Mental Health Examiner

 

Moms have their hands full these days

Luckily, there are many ways to ease the pressure. Be sure to surround yourself with emotional support. Reach out to the father of your baby, his family, and your family and friends. Even if you’re single, family, friends, and other neighborhood parents can make up a powerful support circle. Remember, you are not alone.

1) Always remember that in order to be a good mother, one must provide food, clothing, and shelter for their child. Though it may seem painful to be separated from your little one, take comfort in the fact that you are working for their safety and well-being.

2) Ask your babysitter or caregiver to periodically video your baby during the day so that you don’t miss out on all of their day to day experiences. When you have a quiet moment, you can view the footage and still feel connected to your child.

3) Use a webcam or Skype to interact with your baby from anywhere in the world. Even if you’re miles apart, you can see each other’s faces and hear each other’s voices, staying connected with direct communication. Seeing Mommy through the computer is a fun game, too!

4) Make your own home movie or recording for your son or daughter. Read a story, tell them your daily message, give them instructions on a new toy or project, sing a song, or just tell them how much they are loved.

5) Find a job that allows you to telecommute or provides on-site child care. While you are away from your child (and remind yourself, these separations are always temporary), use work, church, temple and other groups as networking circles. They’re great ways to get others’ feedback on creative, out-of-the-box ways to keep connected to your young one.

6) When selecting a day care center, choose one close to your office. You can pop over for lunch for a quick visit and PB&J.

7) When you’re away from work, make a conscience effort to truly be away from distractions. Take advantage of nights, weekends, and days off as ways to spend quality, not just quantity, time with your child. Remember to stay present. Be affectionate and really listen to what your child has to say. Rather than chatting on your phone or fretting over errands and chores, take this time to get to know your child.

8) Don’t try to compensate for your absence by spoiling your child. You can’t alleviate feelings of guilt by buying their love.

9) If the only time of the day you have to spare is before work, make a commitment to making this time of day your biggest priority. Wake up an hour earlier to have breakfast with them. Help them prepare for the day, play with them, or even just lay together in bed.

10) Turn what feels like a negative into a positive. Through your hard work, you are setting an example for your children. Take pride in being their role model and in your commitment to your family.

One final note: You are taking responsibility for the well-being of your children by working hard to provide for them and refusing to just rely on the system. Rather than abandoning, you are providing. You are offering options and resources that you may not have had in your own childhood. You are shaping and molding, one day at a time. Though it may seem tough at times, this is a reality for many working women. Use the work ethic Americans have worked so hard to instill and take pride in who you are as a mother and provider.

Make it an “Excuse Free Life” and always remember, “It’s not the size of the problem, but the size of the feeling.”
For more info: Visit www.ExcuseFree.com and www.DrLeslieToday.com

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