Discipline in blended families

November 15, 9:20 PMBlended Families ExaminerAngela Bolles

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Discipline in blended families is sometimes a difficult issue to address. Some suggest that the biological parent take the predominant role in discipline; others find that both biological parent and step-parent are able to discipline equally with little or no difficulty. It really depends on your situation and the circumstances that surround you and your family. But there are a few things you must consider when you begin to discuss this issue:

• All kids should be treated equally by both parents. If the rules are different for each child, or the children perceive a presence of favoritism, there will inevitably be trouble. This is likely to show itself in both the parent/child relationship as well as resentment in the sibling relationship.
• Consistency is always important. It’s difficult enough for children to go between homes where rules and discipline may differ, even slightly. Whether the rules and differences between homes are similar or immensely different, when they’re in your home they need to know with certainty that the rules and discipline are always the same. This will help ease the transition between homes as they know precisely what to expect. Additionally, discipline should be consistent between parent and step-parent.
• Be a united front. You are a team. Whether one parent takes the lead and the other supports, or both parents discipline equally in your home, the children must know that you support each other. You may not always agree on the rules or discipline in the home, but these are issues to be worked out privately. The children should never see you disagree over the discipline, and it is never appropriate to take the children’s “side” when the other parent has disciplined them.

Ultimately, with respect to the dynamics of relationships in blended families, the goal should be for all your children to feel equal and loved, by parent and step-parent, as well as respecting both parent and step-parent as parental figures.