Jenny Sanford, Elizabeth Edwards - why wives speak out on cheating husbands

August 19, 8:45 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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AP Photo/Mary Ann Chastain

The man who cheats does more than just hurt his wife; hurt is too mild a word. He literally destroys her. Jenny Sanford took  the correct approach by making her statements. She didn't just sit back and let the ego and libido driven Mark Sanford get away with what he had done to her and their children.

Very few of us haven’t been touched, in one way or another, by a relationship where cheating reared its ugly head. Perhaps we have a family member, close friend, or co-worker whose marriage has been impacted by infidelity. Maybe we have experienced it ourselves. Whatever the circumstances, we feel empathy for the woman whose spouse has cheated on her and caused a domino effect of disasters.

By speaking out about an affair, and moving out of the governor's mansion, Jenny Sanford has validated her own feelings and put the blame for her family's pain exactly where it belongs; on her husband Mark.

A cheating husband has done more damage than even he may realize. By being unfaithful, he has  made his wife feel less of a woman, less of a person; unattractive, unintelligent, and undesirable. While all of these issues are certainly not at all true, the most self-confident of women will still have a hard time rebuilding her self-confidence and self-esteem. Speaking out about what Mark Sanford has done is not only cathartic for Jenny but has empowered her as well. Writing a book did the same for Elizabeth Edwards. These women are taking responsibility for their own lives, dignity, and sense of self.

No matter who we are or how successful we may be in our lives, a woman still sees her desirability through the eyes of the man who promised to love her. Her sensual self, and her personal confidence in her looks  depends a great deal on her husband. (It does work both ways;  a man sees his own virility and manhood in his partner’s eyes.)

But the pain of knowing that your husband has taken another woman to his bed, a place that is by all rights, legally and morally, your place, is devastating. Said one woman whose husband cheated on her,

"I was never able to get over the fact that my husband had done with another woman what he had done with me. That most intimate of acts suddenly became a farce to me. It was no longer something beautiful shared between only us; he cheapened it by doing it with someone else."

Another stated,

"I am not able to have sex with him without thinking about what he did with that other woman. It sickens me."

Marriage is sacred and not just in the religious sense. Forget religion. It is a personal commitment between two people who vow to love one another. Once you make that commitment, you don't stray. It's a trust, a promise, a no-brainer. It is what it is - monogamy. What's not to understand?

related articles - Sex and Relationships of Mark Sanford, Egotism or Self-Destruction

                        - Suspicious He May Be Cheating? Read This Book!

                        - Elizabeth Edwards

***  © copyright 2009 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved     

Do you sabotage your own happiness in order to make other people in your life happy? Learn how to put your own life first! Read Kristen Houghton's new book, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!"  due in stores in Fall 2009. Pre-order it today. Available at Borders, Amazon, and all bookstores.

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