You Can’t Be Immature in a “Grown-up” Relationship

August 18, 7:26 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Relationship Reality takes a look today at immaturity. Adrianna wrote a poignant email to me describing her reason for leaving a relationship:

"My boyfriend Greg is a childish, immature brat when it comes to arguments. He gets down and dirty, even to the point of name calling. I have called it quits after 8 months. Can you address this in your Relationship Reality? I know other women in similar situations."

Adrianna is pretty, sophisticated, well-read and is great at her job in public relations. Her boyfriend Greg is handsome, is a great host at parties, and owns his own business. You would think the two of them would have the best relationship in the world. They didn’t. Why? He was immature in a "grown-up" relationship.

As we mature in our lives, our relationships should become more mature also. This in no way means that we become staid and boring, it simply means that we can argue in ways that, while heated, do not sink to the level of a dirty street fight. Calling someone you say you love names is hardly mature.

“The worst point came when he told me to ‘Shut the (bleep) up during an argument. A few weeks later I went to live with a friend and I’m now looking for my own apartment. I had warned him that using that language upset me but obviously he didn’t care enough to stop it. I grew up but he didn’t.”

Besides being a form of emotional abuse, immature behavior during an argument is a sign of repressed social development. They have no idea how to argue constructively and in an adult manner so they resort to what worked in the schoolyard; name calling. The bratty child comes out in times of stress and it is difficult to deal with someone as an adult when he is acting like a little boy who can’t get his way.

If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits immaturity when there is a problem to solve or you are dealing with stressful times, you need to take charge of your own life and give an ultimatum that you will not be treated unkindly or unfairly. The person with the problem may need to see a therapist who deals specifically with childish behavior.

Growing in a relationship means growing as a person and as a couple. A “grown-up” relationship needs two adults to be successful.

 related articles - Do You Fight Fair?

                       - How Do You Know When a Marriage is Over?

***  © copyright 2009 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved     

Do you sabotage your own happiness in order to make other people in your life happy? Learn how to put your own life first! Read Kristen Houghton's new book, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!"  due in stores in Fall 2009. Pre-order it today. Available at Borders, Amazon, and all bookstores.

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