Rielle Hunter meet the 'third' person in your affair - his wife

August 15, 5:46 PMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Rielle Hunter, it is time to remember that there is a third person in every affair. 

Though no one wants to admit the fact, in any extramarital affair there are always three people involved; you, the man you are with, and, his wife. You may tell yourself any story that you want to ease your mind about his marital relationship. But make no mistake; his wife exists and she plays a definite role in his life.

A friend of a friend had an experience with the hard cold fact of the reality of “the wife.”

“I knew I where he lived and I’m ashamed to say I parked near his house and followed his wife to a mall. I wanted to see what she looked like. She was very pretty, not at all like I thought she would be. I was miserable for weeks knowing that he went home to her each night.”

The wife of your sex partner is a very real, though albeit invisible, presence in your affair. And though most women might want to deny it, there’s a very good possibility that she knows about you or at least has strong suspicions that her husband is cheating. She lives with him, has an intuitive knowledge about him, and chances are she has been down this road with him before. While she may not know you personally she has a good idea that you exist on the periphery of her world.

A man who cheats does so for a number of reasons, none of them having to do with love. The man who is having an affair with you is someone who has done this before. You weren’t his first and chances are very good you won’t be his last. Nor will he become a permanent fixture in your life. The fact is that less than 6% of men leave their spouses for another woman. For whatever reason, the marriages, though damaged, seem to be able to survive.

The other woman in the affair, as much as you don’t want to think about her, is a real person with real feelings. If there are negative things you have been told about her, you have to understand from where and from whom this information is coming and why. You also need to be aware that she lives in a part of his life that you know very little about. Her presence is an every day constant. She is not going to vanish into thin air. 

It may be an unpleasant reality to face but there are never just two people in an affair. There is a live third person who is involved in your affair and in your life whether you like it or not.

***  © copyright 2009 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved      

Do you sabotage your own happiness in order to make other people in your life happy? Learn how to put your own life first! Read Kristen Houghton's new book, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!"  due in stores in Fall 2009. Pre-order it today. Available at Borders, Amazon, and all bookstores.

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