Change of looks in times of crisis

July 7, 6:11 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Relationship Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Are you a Barbie™ wannabe? The perfect "person" with the perfect life and no worries? Maybe you think everything went well for her because of her looks. Do you see good looks as good luck?. Hard to believe but there are some women who still see the Barbie doll with whom they grew up as the ideal "woman." This is especially true during times of stress when we equate jobs, boyfriends, and all good things in life with good looks.

It is not surprising. At particularly difficult times of our lives we tend to want to return to what once made us happy and safe. The cocoon of childhood, where our imagination was our world, is the place where many of us go. Interestingly enough, the childhood doesn't have to have been a  particularly happy one. There is an aspect of being a child that has to do with hope and where is hope more alive than in a child's imagination! We tended to project ourselves into a beautiful fantasy world where all was fine and dandy. In our minds we became as fine and dandy as that play world. We were beautiful and we want that feeling again.

In the midst of crisis, whether it is divorce, a nasty break-up, or a job loss, women see the prime problem for their  loss in their own image. Any of the crises mentioned can lead a woman to question her looks as the "real" reason for unfortunate happenings. Realistically you know looks are not the cause but the niggling doubt still is there at the back of your mind. Drastic diets, plastic surgery, changes in hair color and style become obsessions.

How interesting that in the current economic crunch the two areas that are showing positive growth are plastic surgery and the diet industry. Women are flocking to these areas in the hopes that a change in appearance will do them good and bring with it good luck.

They're not far from wrong. Change is good. The problem with change is that you can take it too far.

Your outward looks represent you to the world. Before anyone gets to know the inside you, they see the outside. Making simple changes, a hairstyle, some "facial freshening," a few less pounds, can make you feel more confident. That's the good part. But you can take it too far if you believe that you lost your job because of your appearance rather than the true fact of a company downsize. Or if you think a break-up is due to your hips being too full instead of acknowledging that the relationship wasn't right for you anyway. These things happen in life and rarely have anything to do with your looks. Making drastic changes won't get you back the job or the guy.

 A daydream trip to childhood can be a pleasant thing but you are an adult now and need to deal with what is in front of you in your grown-up world. It can be tough. But changing yourself into your childhood dream is not going to change the inner you. Knowing what your worth is, knowing and loving the inner you makes it easier to love the you outside. 

When a crisis hits, it can be a blessing in disguise. Take the time to understand that this might be a good opportunity for you to discover your inner strengths and learn how you can use them. Love yourself inside and out. Celebrate you!

© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book  "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today.

For the latest on relationships subscribe to Kristen Houghton’s column.

Email Kristen