Weight-y issues - Relationship Reality

July 6, 7:53 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Hi Kristen,

I have a dilemma that is ruining my summer. It has to do with my weight. I am about twenty pounds heavier than I probably should be. My fiancè not only looks at skinny, half-starved women but compares me to them and tells me that I would look sexier if I was skinny with that hungry look. He makes me ashamed to put on a bathing suit and I love to swim. Two weeks ago, while we were at the lake he told me I  shouldn't wear a bathing suit because I looked jiggly and heavy. I have stopped going swimming. I have tried but can't seem to get as thin as he likes. He tells me that I should eat less than 800 calories a day. I am starving and I don't know what to do. Please help!

Barbara

Oh Barbara, here is a problem that has no happy ending. A starvation diet is not the answer and 800 calories a day is a starvation diet, no doubt. Not only is it terribly dangerous and unhealthy physically, it is emotionally damaging as well. You are always hungry and never fulfilled which leaves you frustrated and angry. You are not living!

We have come so far in the world of nutrition and in our beliefs of what actually constitutes a healthy, normal weight for individuals. The range in healthy weight can vary from 15 to 25 pounds depending on bones, build, and how the weight is distributed. Everyone is different and all are beautiful. You may not be overweight at all. You may be perfectly normal. Do you really think looking half-starved is healthy, normal, and attractive? Not many people do. Unless a person is morbidly obese, (people who are 100 pounds above a healthy weight and carefully monitored by a health professional while dieting and exercising),severely limited calorie diets are dangerous.

I would seriously be concerned about continuing your relationship with this man. How dare he make you stop swimming, an activity you enjoy! If he wants to control your weight think of what else he may want to control as the years go by. Your life will never be yours. I would also ask you to ask yourself this question: "If he isn't happy with my body and always compares me to his "ideal" woman, why is he engaged to me?"

Body improvement only works well when you do it for yourself, not because someone has told you to do it. If you are concerned about "jiggle," (which all normal women) have a bit of), go to a gym and ask about a strength training class and Pilates. Both will give you stamina and help tighten your body. It will also empower you mentally knowing that you are in control of yourself and a strong healthy woman.

Tell your fiancè that you are happy being you and that you have no interest in becoming a starving woman. If he says anything derogatory about your body, tell him to go find the half-starved woman of his dreams. Then go out, buy a new swim suit, and go swimming!

Kristen's "Relationship Reality" appears every Monday in the Examiner

© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

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