The friendship marriage

July 23, 9:39 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Would you believe that not all married couples you see are in crazy, “I-can’t-live-without-you” love?  Some are; some are not.  

The reasons for getting married are as varied as the couples themselves. If you asked anyone to describe love, you would get several different descriptions, and those same descriptions would change in definition over the years. People change and their ideas of real love change with them. 

We all remember movies where good friends make a promise that if either of them is still single by their respective thirtieth birthdays, they’ll marry each other. Some of us may have even made that promise with one of our own friends.  

Guess what? Some of those promises are being kept. Many couples today are entering into a marriage where love is only one of the components. Friendship and companionship are the first reasons. This “new” state of marriage is called the Friendship Marriage.

Marrying for companionship conjures up the image of two elderly people who marry to escape being lonely. This is a stereotype that isn’t true.

Companionship or friendship marriage is the joining together of two people who have successful careers, independent lives, strong friendships, and a “sense of self.” They are already fulfilled in their lives, and marriage is the icing on the cake. They are usually looking for someone who has the same outlook on life, similar goals and ideas, financial security of their own, and exact expectations of what they, and their prospective spouse, will bring to the marriage table.  

A friend they have known for years fits this description perfectly with the added benefit of pleasant familiarity. 

If asked, these couples say they respect and have a love for each other, rather than being in love. They want a union that is strong and secure; one that complements rather than changes their lives.  

In a friendship marriage, more than in other marriages, financial conditions are outlined before taking that trip down the aisle. Any money or property that you earned from your life before becoming a spouse should not automatically become part of the marital pool.

Each member is expected to contribute financially to the new marriage, but your worth as a single person is something you attained on your own. It is common-sense to protect your assets no matter how good your friendship is. In the case of a second marriage, certain legal agreements, and codicils to established wills, may be necessary, especially if children are involved from a first union.

Creating a comfortable life with someone you respect, and admire, and with whom you are comfortable, is an aspect of love that we don’t think about as often as we should. Love is wonderful; combining that love with respect and friendship makes for a lasting and solid relationship.

***© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

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