Sex and Relationships of Mark Sanford - egotism or self destruction

July 2, 8:37 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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What drives a man to act the way Mark Sanford is acting? Surely men have been having affairs for centuries and yet very few of them have acted like a love-sick boy in the throes of his first sexual experience. History counts only a handful of married men so love-crazed for their mistresses that they were willing to endure public ridicule, loss of their children, and financial ruin. What is the reason? Is the sex that good?

We can say that it is sex; of course that is a big part of it. But there is much more to the situation than that, it is the adulterous relationship itself and it can be self-destructive. The strange thing is that no one expert in the field of relationships can pinpoint, or completely agree on exactly what makes seemingly normal, rational adults react like giddy teens with their first love.

Love is wonderful and all-consuming, we can agree on that. Usually we are in love and all-consumed by our mates, our partners, our spouses. So what makes a husband and father shirk  his familial duty and follow the "scent of (another) woman?" Insecurity? Life's pressures? High levels of testosterone? An ego the size of California?  Maybe the reasons are all of these. But, still, in spite of the reasons for doing this there is something called "reason." Reason is the human ability to rationalize behavior. What is best? What is right and wrong. Surely "reason" should tell an adult male that he is supposed to be able to be more in control of his life, even if all those other reasons are present, right?

What amazes everyone is that even while an adulterer is apologizing for what he has done, he is at the same time justifying it!  We only have to hear Mark Sanford's publicly declared statements to know this is true. The statement,

 "I want to fall back in love with my wife again" vs "I can't shut down the love I feel for Maria. She is my soul-mate" is a dichotomy. You cannot reconcile with your wife if the specter of the mistress is there in the bedroom. Nor can you appease the public by wanting everyone to understand your great love story with your mistress.

Sex therapists tell us that some men as well as women in an adulterous feel that no one understands their "passion" and that they want to explain it over and over again until we do understand it. They are actually angry that they are "misunderstood."

How will this drama end? A return to hearth, home, and family? Or will it be a permanent trip "down Argentina way" for a man whose ego in thinking he can have it both ways has set him up for political suicide? Who can know for sure?

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© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book  "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today. 

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