Mark Sanford - soul-mate or sole mate?

July 1, 9:37 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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A man who is in the midst of trying to reconcile with his wife should take more care in what he has to say about his mistress. Mark Sanford's comment about Maria Belen Chapur being  his "soul-mate" is one statement that can completely stall him on the road to repairing and restoring his marriage. What is he thinking?! 

Only days after admitting his affair and assuring his constituents that he was firmly in control of his life, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, in interviews with the Associated Press on Monday and Tuesday, went on to detail the many secretive meetings he had had with the Argentine woman he calls his "soul mate."  

He insisted his relationship with Maria Belen Chapur, whom he met at an open air dance spot in Uruguay eight years ago, was "much more than sex."

"This was a whole lot more than a simple affair; this was a love story," Sanford said. "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."  Are we hearing violins yet?

Sanford then emotionally stated, "I don't want to blow up the kids' lives. I don't want to blow up 20 years (of married life) that we've invested. But if I'm completely honest, there are still feelings in the way. If we keep pushing it this way, we get those to die off, but they're still there and they're still real." It is difficult, he continues, to "shut down the love I feel for Maria" but insists "I can fall back in love with my wife, Jenny."

To add more fuel to the marital bonfire, he then talked of his extramarital dalliances with various other women during the course of his marriage to Jenny. He ended the conference by talking about his struggle to salvage his 20-year marriage

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As more details of his illicit private life surface, what Sanford has done in the name of love is too much even for some of his friends in state government to stomach.

He's lost the moral authority to lead our state, so he needs to step down for the good of our state," said state Sen. Larry Grooms, who said he called the governor and asked him to resign.

Mark Sanford has placed himself in a no-win position. On the one hand he talks about wanting to fall in love with Jenny Sanford all over again but on the other hand he repeats his feelings for the woman he calls his soul-mate. The decent course of action when he found his soul-mate would have been to ask his wife for a divorce. He chose a different course of action that will cost him dearly

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What the governor fails to understand is a simple lesson in semantics. A man cannot have a sole mate, his legal wife, and still keep a soul-mate. Unless one person bears the dual description of  "sole and soul" it can't be done.

In other words, you can't have both, governor, you have to choose.

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© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book  "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today. 

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 my related articles on this topic  - Jenny Sanford's Younger 'Twin' Maria Belen Chapur

                                                      Mark Sanford's Infamous E-Mail to His Mistress 

For more on Mark Sanford read: Love and Relationships