How a wife's cheating affects her mate

June 9, 7:28 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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The twenty-first century has spawned a sort of equal opportunity for cheating. It is no longer a predominantly male issue. In a 2008 poll, taken by the University of California, Irvine, statistics showed that women are twice as likely to cheat on their spouses during the first five years of marriage.

When we hear about infidelity it is mostly from a woman’s point of view. Women are the victims, women have been used and deceived; their trust has been betrayed. It is a terrible experience. 

But men are just as much victims of infidelity as women. They just refuse to talk about it.    

Men are less likely than women to openly acknowledge that their spouse is cheating and, even if they grudgingly admit it to themselves, it is very unlikely that they will discuss the infidelity with anyone else. While women usually have a support group of females who are sympathetic to their pain, most men keep the hurt and deception buried deep inside, seeing the infidelity as a slur on their manhood. 

Besides the unfaithfulness there are other aspects of his life with which he has to deal; children, money, and the end of  a secure sexual relationship.

As a father, he fears he will not be the custodial parent and will have to fight for visitation rights. 

Financially, since the man is usually the one who moves out of the home, he worries about how he will be able to support two separate households.

And as far as salvaging a marriage, while women may stay with a husband who has cheated, and even resume sexual relations, a man is more likely to end it. His self-esteem makes it almost impossible to see himself with “another man’s woman.” Primitive as it may seem that is the reality of it. Very few men can return to sexual relations with a wife who has cheated.

There are therapists who are now specializing in counseling men through this difficult part of their lives. Counseling and time are necessary components to heal anyone who has been the victim of a cheating spouse, female or male.

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 © 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

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