Sanford and Sons - how not to be a man

June 30, 8:30 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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If daughters see their self-worth in the eyes of their fathers, sons see something else. They see what it means to be a man. In the case of a father who honors his promises, commitments, and his sense of duty, his sons learn how to be  men of integrity and honor. But in the case of a man like Governor Mark Sanford, it is a different story. His sons see a man who has publicly humiliated their mother and shown a deep disregard for his public office. His lack of dignity in acting like a love-sick teenage boy and his adulterous behavior shows them a man of very little integrity and honor.

Most boys dream of becoming the type of man their father is. The image of a good man in a loving relationship, a man who is honorable in both his public and private life, is a sought-after adult scenario. Sons learn strong life-long lessons of how to be man from their fathers. But when a father acts the way Mark Sanford did there is very little there that a son wants to emulate.

Children are great observers. They see and hear more than any adult can imagine they do. You can't hide angry glances, painful situations, or immoral behavior from them. They may be children but they are not naive nor are they immune to what is taking place in the lives of the adults around them, most especially their parents. The knowledge that their father asked their mother if he could continue to see his mistress would not be something the Sanford sons wouldn't know. They would also know their mother's response to his ridiculous request.

"Absolutely not. It's one thing to forgive adultery; it's another thing to condone it."

It is two weeks since an adulterous Governor Sanford was asked to leave his home. The First Lady of South Carolina said, "I had every hope he was not going to see her."

But that hope along with the hopes of him trying to repair his relationship with his family were not realized.

In those two weeks, before the affair became public knowledge, while Mark Sanford never once took the opportunity to visit his children, he did use the time to go to Argentina and visit his mistress. And that is sad for his sons to know.

As Jenny Sanford remarked,

"You would think that a father who didn't have contact with his children, if he wanted those children, he would toe the line a little bit," she said.

What are you teaching your sons Governor Sanford? That a mistress is worth more to you than your own children? They will not forget the lessons you have taught them. In your case those life lessons fall under the category of  how not to be a man.

related articles - Jenny Sanford's Younger 'Twin' Maria Belen Chapur

                          Mark Sanford's Infamous E-Mail to His Mistress

                          Letting Go of Relationship Roadkill

© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book  "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today.

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