The Obamas' not always so perfect marriage, thank God!

June 3, 7:22 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

Previous Next

5 comments Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Relationship Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Barack and Michelle Obama have what appears to be a perfect soul-mate union. The way he looks at his wife has made many women wishful for the same loving glance from their own mates. But their marriage hasn't always been ideal. No marriage where one partner is career-centered ever is. This is one of the prime reasons for the high divorce rate among actors. Creating and sustaining a career is exhausting, time-consuming, and leaves very little energy and concentration for anything else including a spouse. The key to a successful relationship where one partner is career-driven is for the other partner to take a back seat and shoulder the activities of everyday family life pretty much on their own. This can cause resentment and a feeling of being overwhelmed and alone.

In his book, "Renegade" author Richard Wolffe recounts a stretch in 2000 when the Obamas went through a time of not talking and no romance due to Barack's intense but ultimately unsuccessful run for Congress. Michelle felt he was selfish and career-driven and he thought she was cold and lacked understanding of his goals. At the time of his unsucessful career move, they were parents to two year-old Malia. By the time baby Sasha came along, their marriage was strained almost to the breaking point.

So what makes their marriage so seemingly perfect now? What was the key to make it better? Communication. They decided to work through their problems and differences and make the marriage solid. The decision for Barack to make a bid for the White House was a joint decision between the two of them. Joint decisions on what will impact both partners need to be reached together with definite goals and rewards in mind.
 

Do the Obamas have a secret for  sustaining a good  marriage now? Yes, they work at it. Though we may not want to use the expression, couples who seem to be happier together actually “work at” their marriages. Equating marriage as a job is not something most people want to do but, if we stop and think about it, “working at” a relationship is a good idea. Why? Anything worth having in your life needs maintenance. A marriage needs maintenance and work, too, to keep it in good condition.

Your marriage is the most important relationship you have. More important than any other you had, have or will have. This doesn’t take away from any other relationships or diminish them in any way, but marriage is special. Working to have a good marriage is definitely worth it.

The Obamas have a solid relationship that has gone through problems just like the rest of us. It's good to know that. Marriage isn't perfection, not for the First Couple and not for anyone else. It's working together through anger, hurt, and "arid" stretches to make a marriage that is good and comfortable.

***

Related article - A Perfect Partnership

Kristen Houghton is the author of "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  a must read for every woman who is searching for personal happiness. It is due in stores 12/22/09  Pre-order it today. 

For the latest on relationships subscribe to Kristen Houghton’s column. Add a comment here or email Kristen at:  kch@kristenhoughton.com