Healthy married relationships take work

June 11, 7:30 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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No worthwhile married relationship grows without some practical commitment and work. There are solid ways to building the male/female love relationship. All through our lives we create emotional bonds. Whether it is family or friends we try to build relationships that are solid and hopefully long-lasting. The relationships grow and change over time getting better as we mature. Sometimes we discard those relationships which no longer suit our needs or which stifle our personal self. That's fine. It carries through to healthy adult couple relationships; ones which we want to keep and those not good for us.

How can we create a framework for a healthy successful relationship?

·         Friendship

First and foremost, you need to be friends with the person you love. Friendship simply means that you share activities, care about the other person's feelings, will be there for him/her in good times or bad, and don't ever take your partner for granted.

·         Commitment

You need to be committed to making the relationship work. Nothing grows without care and nourishment. Commitment also means working together to solve problems and making some adjustments in your relationship when necessary. A good example of adjustment is if one of you has to relocate to another state because of professional commitments

·         Sex isn't love

Don't confuse the euphoric high of sex for the deep emotion of love.

·         Be equal partners.

No one should be the "silent partner." View yourselves as a team. You are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths to this relationship. Each of you is important to the relationship. Run this partnership like a business that will reap great rewards. Be in this together.

·         Listen well, speak well

Be heard but also be a listener. Seriously consider what the other has to say about issues.

·         Resolve conflicts immediately

Learn the art of reasoning and negotiation in any argument. Solve problems as they arise and you will stop a full-blown fight in its tracks.

·         R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

·         Work at intimacy.

Sex is easy; being truly intimate is hard. Sharing your concerns and fears, as well as hopes and dreams takes a lot of courage.

·         Enjoy each other

. Make time for play and fun.

·         Believe in each other

Let each one of you be individual and pursue personal dreams. There is a "me" in the "we."

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© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book  "And Then I'll Be Happy!"  due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today.

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