When he says “It’s Me, Not You,” he is telling the truth!

October 21, 6:56 PMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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It is the classic break-up statement. Your guy is telling you that there’s a problem in your relationship and he needs some space, that maybe you two should date other people. When you ask, stunned, “why, what did I do,” he responds with, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

And, as cop-out phony as it sounds, he is actually telling you the truth.

A man is a complex creature who may not always think through what it means to commit to a relationship. While he truly cares for you, he may find himself overwhelmed by the natural constraints of being a couple. He feels as if he made a wrong decision and no man wants to make a wrong decision in what he considers to be a crucial part of his life. If he is second-guessing himself in something as important as a relationship, who knows if he is capable of making any major life decisions, personal or career-wise?  That thought is unnerving.

It is possible that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, any relationship, for various reasons. He wants to commit more time to his work, he wants to reinvent his life or change careers, he feels too confined and not able to be the “real” him. Or it may be that he doesn’t want this monogamy life style any more and really does want to date others. 

Saying I love you has different meanings for the male and female of the species. As women, we take that expression to heart. This is not always the case with men. Not that they don’t mean it when they say it, but it can be what is called a “momentary love;” they get caught up in the moment of passion or the idea of being in love.

So while we will be spending way too much time wondering what we did to cause the break-up, it’s really not us at all. It is him.

Hearing “it’s not you, it’s me,” is more than likely the absolute truth when it comes to your guy’s reason for breaking up.

***© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton.The above articles may not be rewritten, copied, published, broadcast, or redistributed, wholly or in any part, without the express written permission of Kristen Houghton.

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