Omigod! We're just like my parents!

October 11, 11:36 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Remember when you truly thought that your relationship was nothing like the one your parents had, that it would never be anything like your parents' marriage, and that you two were totally different? Oh how smug and secure you were in that knowledge! You love them dearly but their married relationship is so not what you want for yourself. You're sophisticated, modern, and, well, DIFFERENT!

And then one day your spouse says something that vaguely resembles what your Dad might say and, worse, you find yourself responding in the same tone of voice your mother has. When you realize what has just occurred your first thought is that your relationship is turning into a younger version of your parents'!

Relax. Chances are good it's not going to happen. You may be their daughter but you and your mate are not a "mini them."

It is natural at times for you to sound like or have mannerisms similar to the people you see on a regular basis. You may have a knee-jerk reaction similar to your mother or father in certain instances. If you've been married for a few years, your husband may also have picked up some traits from your parents. It doesn't mean that the two of you are becoming them. It simply means that you are unconsciously mimicing them in a small way. Think of a parrot. He might be mimicking a human voice but he's nothing like a human. He's his own bird.

Generational similarities are common. But just as you can make changes to help avoid a health problem to which you may be prediposed, you can also make changes to avoid any unpleasant traits you see in your parents' relationship. You are not your parents. Their history, both before and after, they were married differs from yours in many ways. The social issues, the politics, the beliefs in which their generation found themselves made an impact on their thinking as well as their relationship. You are from a different more complex era. It doesn't make you better or worse; it just makes you different.

The next time you find eerie similarities between your marriage and that of your parents laugh about it. Some similarities are good and some maybe not so good. But whatever it is, remember, your relationship is unique. Take the best part of your parents' relationship and discard the rest. 

***© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton The above articles may not be rewritten, copied, published, broadcast, or redistributed, wholly or in any part, without the express written permission of Kristen Houghton.

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