Losing a job around the holidays

December 8, 10:39 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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What can be more devastating than to lose a job around the holiday season? It is the time of year when we least expect it and have the most trouble handling it. Holidays are supposed to bring joy and happiness. Instead of celebrating and buying presents, we become depressed and worry that we might not be able to pay the mortgage or buy food.

Last month’s unemployment rate hit a staggeringly high number making this one of the toughest years in job loss history since 1993. 

“The U.S. Labor Department released the monthly unemployment data for November 2008 which states that the unemployment rate reached a 15-year high of 6.7% in November.”

Nothing strains a relationship like the loss of a job. It puts the couple into a financial situation that is uncertain and frightening. Losing a job is traumatic to both men and women but somehow men seem to take the “downsizing” or being laid off harder than women. Even in 2008 where we pride ourselves on both a man and woman working, men do badly when they no longer have a paying job. There are a number of reasons for this.

Men see a great deal of their own worth as a person through their jobs or professions. The ability to earn money reflects who they are in the world. Their self-esteem is unconsciously connected to their work. When they no longer have their work as a benchmark of who they are, they feel a sense of worthlessness in life.

It is the feeling that they are no longer wanted or needed by their employer. While most times the loss of a job has nothing to do with either being wanted or needed but is simply a cost saving measure on the part of the company, men see it as a personal insult.

Here are some tips to help your guy cope with losing a job.

If the man in your life is suddenly out of a job and you are able financially to do so, have him take some time off.

He needs to “retreat and regroup” his mind and spirit.

Unless it is absolutely necessary, he shouldn’t go from one job straight into another. Give him time to collect his   

thoughts and reinvent himself if necessary.

If going back to school is an option, encourage him to do so. Maybe there is something he has always wanted to  do

and now is the time to consider it.

Be supportive and not just financially. It is easy to say be supportive but, remember, there will be mood swings, forms of despair, and angry words. You are “out in the world” working while he feels stuck at home.

Let him know you love him emotionally and definitely physically. A man needs physical reassurance of his worth as a male and sex is one way to prove it. Make time for sex more often.  

Have a sense of humor about the situation and what’s going on in your life. This helps tremendously. Remember that you love this person, grumpy or not, and he loves you too.

If a depression does occur don’t hesitate to seek professional help. It can save your sanity and your relationship.

Above all, think positively. Negativity begets negativity. Show support in all ways possible. Let him know that you’re in this together.

© 2008 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

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