Can You Be a Perfect Couple?

October 3, 6:47 AMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Have you ever looked at couples of long-standing and wondered what their secret was? Do you know a couple who seems to be “almost perfect?” How do they do it, these “happily-ever-after” couples? What are they doing in their relationship that we don’t do and why do we somehow feel second rate to them? What’s WRONG with MY relationship, you may want to scream! Why aren’t WE perfect?

Don’t scream and don’t feel that your relationship is inadequate because it doesn’t “measure up” to someone else’s. First of all, there are no perfect, or “almost perfect,” relationships. Anyone who feels there are has bought into the Disney version of love: Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, and, my personal favorite, Sleeping Beauty. (She had a happy childhood in the forest with her fairy god-mothers, got a great deal of undisturbed beauty sleep, was awakened by Prince Charming, and lived happily…, well you know ending).

While the “happily ever after” image of true love is hard to resist, these stories are what they are; fairy tales. They are not real life.

So why do some couples seem to live in “happily ever after?” Though we may not want to use the expression, couples who seem to be happier together actually “work at” their relationships. Equating love as a job is not something most people want to do but, if we stop and think about it, “working at” a relationship is a good idea. Why? Anything worth having in your life needs maintenance. A relationship needs maintenance and work, too, to keep it in good condition.

But is there a secret to perfect couples? No real secrets, just some common sense and courtesy.

1. Fight fair-stick to the issue at hand that is causing the fight.

Stick to the problem at hand and do not go into the past rehashing old news. It serves no purpose other than to use past hurts as a weapon.

2. Treat your partner with the respect you would show a stranger.

Huh? The respect we would show a stranger? But don’t we treat our partners better than we treat strangers? Not necessarily. Sometimes, we treat strangers better.

Familiarity may not always breed contempt but it can breed something just as bad; taking someone for granted.  It is a fact that, when we are speaking to people we don’t know, we are on our best behavior. We listen to what they have to say, we show interest in their conversations, we treat them as if they are very important to us. Why? We want to impress them with our politeness, our exquisite manners; our overall “niceness.” Sometimes in the day to day life of being together we forget to be “nice” to each other. Remembering to treat each other respectfully strengthens a relationship.

3. Be friends.

Have fun with each other. Friends laugh, they share; they do silly things together.

How often do you laugh together? What interests do you share? This is glue to any relationship. Be a good friend.

4. Share the work.

Living together means there’s things to be done in your household. No one wants to feel as if they are someone’s servant. Sharing the work lets you be together and takes the burden off one person.

5. Speak sweetly.

There is nothing sweeter than hearing love in your partner’s voice. Who doesn’t want to be spoken to sweetly? Use your bedroom voice!

6. Your relationship is the most important, more important than any other you have. Make it a priority.

Working to have a good relationship is definitely worth it. Small changes can have a big impact and, who knows, maybe someday, someone will refer to you and your partner as a “perfect” couple.

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