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Do You Fight Fair?
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Fighting is inevitable in any relationship and therapists tell us it is healthy. But did you know that if you don’t “know how to fight” it can destroy you as a couple?
Most couples don’t fight fair. Learning how to fight fair is not something that comes attached to the marriage license.It is a learned and practiced art. Too many couples know exactly what buttons to push during an argument and they are not the buttons where we kiss and make nice with each other.
As in all fights there have to be ground rules. So a little Fair Fight 101 is now in session.
The number one rule is to……
Stick to the dispute at hand.
Do not bring in past slights, hurts, or the fact that he or insulted your great-aunt Elizabeth at your wedding. When we feel as if we aren’t winning a fight we subconsciously reach for every “bad” thing a spouse has done. By doing this we feel we are vindicating ourselves and proving that said spouse really is a miserable, rotten&%$#&*!
However the only we are doing is fanning the flames of anger into a bonfire.
Be open and honest.
Tell him or her exactly how you feel. Don’t make the situation worse by exaggerating or lessen a real problem by downplaying it.
Ask for a shared solution.
No one wins if .only one wins the argument.
Establish trust.
Trust allows you a groundwork to take appropriate risks to disagree.
Take a “time –out.”
If the argument is going no where, take a break before tempers flare.
Agree to disagree.
Understand that not all arguments will end in total agreement.
Above all…
Value your relationship for the good things it is and put the problem into perspective.
In your relationship, how important is the issue?
***
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Add a comment here or email me at: kch@kristenhoughton.com
Copyright ©2008 by Kristen Houghton. All rights reserved
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