Treasuring time with our families

April 29, 4:50 PMFaith & Culture ExaminerDr. Bob Beltz

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                    Memorable time with the family

While I was writing my last article on the importance of friendship, one of my very close friends was going through a tough time.  Jim and Sally Wilson have been friends of mine for many years.  Jim, like my friend in Florida, is one of the men I go to when I need wise counsel for my life.  Jim’s dad has been struggling with failing health for some time and died on April 18. Sally wrote a letter about the experience of losing Jim's dad that I thought was so moving, and was such a fitting companion piece to my thoughts on friendship, that I wanted to share it with you.  Here is the letter in its entirety: 

We are now home from an exhausting trip to Atlanta.  We went on April 16, hoping to see Mr. Wilson before he went home with Jesus.  We almost made it.  As we were on the airplane, the loss was just beginning to sink in.  The world had lost a patriarch.  He had been sick for a while, but still losing him was so very final.  As we have moved through the funeral planning, the actual funeral, the cleaning of his house, I have realized much.  It is these revelations that I want to share with those whom I love.  As we were driving to the airport yesterday, I had a strong sense that God wanted me to send these thoughts to you.

I will never look at a Hefty bag the same way again.  There are those with flaps, those with strings, those with flex.  I became familiar with each type.   Mr. Wilson had lived in his home for 50 years.  Can you imagine?  There were things that I’m sure hadn’t been thrown out since move-in day!  As I started going through drawers and closets, my Hefty bags became full.  Things worried over, things that caused Mr. Wilson sleepless nights were quickly discarded.  Was I being respectful to these papers and mementoes?  I tried to be.  I found boxes full of Father’s Day cards dating back to Jim’s drawings and then the drawings from my girls.  I would sit and read each one and see through the eyes of his children and grandchildren what he had meant to them.  I found myself laughing and crying at the same time at the attempts of great art and poetry by loving children.  He was loved.  I found a box of birthday cards to Mrs. Wilson and there were cards dating way back from Mr. Wilson.  His words to her were deep, dear, devoted and tender.  He loved.  Of course, these keepsakes didn’t find the Hefty bag.  I found cookbooks of favorite recipes and imagined dinner parties and family gatherings full of laughter and intellectual exchanges.  I found Mrs. Wilson’s treasured book of poetry with a bookmark stuck in the page of her favorite poem.  I read this poem,” I Have A Need of Gulls”.  It touched my heart and expressed her love of the ocean.  That definitely didn’t make the Hefty, but found its way into my purse to take back to Dallas.  There were boxes of children’s art, letters from camp, report cards!  I was getting to know my father-in-law, mother-in-law and husband in ways that I had never know them. 

When we go home to be with Jesus, what will cause our families to pause and stop as they are cleaning our houses?  This experience has had a profound impact on my life.  Am I spending too much time worrying and fretting over things that will end up in a Hefty bag some day?  Am I using my energy to tell those I love how they touch my life?  Am I encouraging my children?  Am I being the friend to my friends that they have been to me?  Am I working on broken relationships?  Or do I think, I have so much to do today; I’ll do that tomorrow?  We don’t know what our tomorrow holds.  Will my children and grandchildren find notes of love?  Of course, there will be Hefty bags as they clean my home, but I pray that those filling the bags will have received my utmost love, encouragement, and wisdom.  Those are the only things that will last when I am gone.  They can only flourish if I am spending time giving them each day.  Worrying and fretting will retard the process. 

I love each one of you.

Thanks Sally!