Comment policy for this column: de-fanging the Destroyers

Rabbi Ken Kamin, Spiritual Life Examiner, and I have been discussing the problems with vitriol, personal attacks, flaming, and abuse on the internet.. It's a strange thing, this sudden manifestation of anger, self-righteousness, arrogance, jealousy, or a myriad of negative factors  that erupts in personal attacks. No one really knows all the things that compel some to treat others from within the darkest parts of themselves, from within the lesser capabilities of human experience.

Several Examiners have had the experience of these type of attacks. There are websites and places where this style of communication is preferred--but not at the Examiner.

There are people who specialize in this type of attack, people who go out of their way to try and demean, discourage, or derail anyone who is working hard to create something positive. From a cultural perspective, I've learned to call those types "Destroyers," for that is their intent.

If they can destroy useful communication, self-esteem, good feelings, or movement forward in the great adventure life on Earth and beyond,  they will. For some reason,  Destroyers seem to think that they are creating larger, more important versions of themselves by harming others. Chances are good that when you run into one of these types, you'll find them repeating the same actions, over and over, with different people, websites, and groups. It's their sickness, and they hope to infect others.

Although Rabbi Ben and I look at these problems from a spiritual viewpoint first, that's not the only way these actions can be analyzed. Whether studied  legally (domestic abuse, for example), culturally (racism, sexism), or spiritually, the destructive intent  is always the same. The tactics and the intent can always be recognized by looking beyond the self-righteous veneer of the attacks.

For a long time, I've enjoyed reading Nina Akoi, who writes as The Lazy Geisha. She's had her own experience with being cyber-bullied and cyber-mobbed. .  In February, 2007, she wrote an eloquent essay on "Managing Your Personal Power and Dignity Online", including this excerpt:

As a writer who uses the medium of blogging to publish and share my own thoughts, experiences and ideas, I take a risk every time I hit that button and send part of myself out there into the great void. It’s a choice I willingly make because I believe the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks, and on a grand scale, the instances of conflict I’ve encountered are far more miniscule and infrequent compared to the overall positive experience that I’ve had doing this. I’ve been pretty successful in doing what I do, and I believe that’s an achievement I can claim for myself because I put the work into this, and I’m the one taking the risks, not anyone else. And while it’s comforting to have our feelings validated by others, it isn’t especially necessary, because truthfully, unless you’re sharing in those risks, any comprehension about what I may be feeling or going thru can only be appreciated, not entirely felt. This is how it is for many things. Unless you’ve been in someone else’s shoes, you cannot possibly know what they’ve been thru or how it’s affected them.

Something else most of us should have learned on the playground is how to deal with bullies. Most schools now have counseling programs and classes to teach our children how to deal with bullies, and how to not become a bully themselves. There are also strict laws now against the practice of bullying, and the penalties for such infractions have grown because it’s indeed a serious problem.

So what happens when adults bully other adults, especially out here in cyberspace?

One of the pitfalls of this blogging medium is that it provides those who do bully others with ample cover and opportunity to become and continue to flourish as bullies. They do this by cloaking themselves with clever words, subtlety, innuendo, subterfuge, sabotage, rumor milling, aliases, multiple identities, anonymous identities, alliances & gangs all singing the party line, and various other means and methods, but the most crucial way, which they absolutely need to be a successful bully is our cooperation. They’re successful because we enable them to be successful. We allow it. We tolerate it. We enable it.

Beautifully said.

With that in mind, I'm joining Rabbi Ben in stating a very clear-cut policy for comments on this column. I've borrowed this from Rabbi Ben, with his concurrence.

Readers' comments are welcome. The great privilege of America is civil dialogue. Therefore, thoughtful comments will be retained on the site. Threats, racism, personal attacks, and just plain vitriol will be deleted. "

Also beautifully said.

The accompanying photo is of infant stars in the small Magellanic Cloud, taken by the incredible Hubble Space Telescope. Beautiful, isn't it?

We are but infants on a cosmic scale, taking our first steps outward. What will we keep close to us here on Earth, what will we take with us? Will we subscribe to the darkness of the Destroyers, or will we nuture the light of the best that we can be as humans?

Join us in making a stand for nuturing the light. Comment, even debate--but do so with respect and courtesy.