Mother's Day tips: taking care of mom

May 4, 6:29 AMParenting ExaminerKaren Deerwester

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Motherhood is a self-less act yet taking care of yourself is a prerequisite for taking care of children.  Mothers place someone else's needs above their own, from sleepless nights to time-consuming carpools.  But, as any marathoner can tell you, you have to build your physical and mental endurance to make it through the difficult miles.

Children need good role models.  They need to see you in good physical and mental condition if you expect them to treat themselves with dignity and respect.  They need to see you practice what you teach. 

So, here's 10 reasons why taking care of yourself is good for your kids:

1. Children learn empathy.  When children see other people have needs and feelings, they learn to temper their expectations of "me first" (see more in The Entitlement-Free Child).
2. Children learn emotional literacy.  When you describe your needs and emotions out loud, children learn to recognize those same feelings in themselves.
3. Children learn that parents are people.  When children see their parents as adults with outside interests, children can begin to imagine all the different options and opportunities that await them (listen to the MP3, Parents are People, from the classic Free to be You - Free to be Me).
4. Children learn they are part of something bigger than themselves.  Children are "givers", not just "takers".  Give children the opportunity to see how they can help you around the house or with projects.
5. Children learn to be independent.  Children learn age-appropriate self-sufficiency when you are not the only one taking care of things.
6. Children learn flexibility.  Children are better prepared for the unpredictability of life if they learn to trust a variety of adults, if they can sleep in a variety of places under a variety of conditions, or if they learn how to postpone immediate gratification.
7. Children learn balance.  Stressed-out people try to do it all.  Children need role-models who can prioritize life choices.
8. Children learn stress management.  Stress is part of life but children can learn they have the power to control stress before it controls them.  Picture the 3 year old who accidentally spills her milk at the breakfast table.  Are you more like to hear "oh sh__" or "oopsy daisy, clean-up time".
9. Children will appreciate time together after time apart.  A little time without you reminds children of how much they love being with you.
10. Children will become more independent leaders.  Future leaders are raised in homes where adults prepare them to face challenges, not just protect them from obstacles. 

Take care of yourself and you will also raise children who have grace under pressure and inner strength.  Happy Mother's Day!