How to say no to kids in financially tough times

April 19, 7:39 PMParenting ExaminerKaren Deerwester

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No is the new yes!  Saying "no", particularly when saying "yes" creates stress and hardship for the family, teaches your child more.  Saying "no" teaches your child self-control and problem solving.  It also teaches your child to understand the needs and feelings of others instead of getting in "Me-Mine-Now".  Yes, you want to raise your child in a positive, loving environment.  Yes, you want your child to have the confidence and the resiliency to face age-appropriate boundaries and obstacles.

How do you know if your child has been living in a environment of excess?

• Does your child beg for new toys and discard them quickly?
• Does your child focus more on quantity than on the actual object or experience, looking for what's next?
• Does your child lose things haphazardly and never miss them?
• Does your child know how to handle objects with care?
• Does your child grow bored quickly with what he has?
• Does your child measure her things against what others have?
• Does your child place more emphasis on things than on people?

Children learn how much is "enough" by living with limits and discovering the value of what they already have.  Here are a few helpful strategies to say "no" without the emphasizing the anxiety of "not-enough".

1. Set limits in advance.  Prepare your child for fair and reasonable boundaries - spending amount limits, limits on the number of purchases or limits on the time to shop or buy.
2. Practice living within predictable boundaries.  Practice making decisions before it's time to buy.  Evaluate and compare the value of goods and services.  Discuss the criteria behind purchases and the satisfaction and benefits.  Live with the decision for a few days before taking action to see the emotional aspects of buying and spending.
3. Give your child a future focus.  "No" today doesn't necessarily mean "no forever".  Show your child the power of waiting.  There will be other times and more opportunities.  Teach your child how to dream, plan and enjoy the process of acquisition, not just the frenzy of immediate gratification.
4. Discover the pleasure of helping others and solving problems.   Most of all, your child wants to feel successful and important - that he matters.  Refocus your child's consumer energy on making a difference in other ways - making things for others, recycling for a cleaner planet, using his unique skills and talents instead of looking outside of himself.

No one likes financial hardship.  But the entitlement party wasn't all fun and contentment.  It was living with an insatiable thirst for more.  Say "yes" to enough!