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Columbia Family and Parenting Parenting Examiner
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Potty accidents: no stress potty training help

January 20, 6:35 AMParenting ExaminerKaren Deerwester
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Potty accidents are as normal as scraped knees and split milk.   Accidents happen when your child is busy or distracted.  She's watching an interesting video or a bug walking across the floor.  Young children "forget" to potty when they don't want to miss out on the moment. 

Any change in the routine can precipitate a potty accident.  Dad uses different words as a potty reminder, the potty chair is in the wrong place, or the dog barks at the wrong time.  Your child shifts his focus and whoops....he forgot something he knew so well.  Children also miscalculate how long it takes to finish something, to get to the potty, or to take off clothes. 

Accidents happen - expect them.  Respond to accidents with these four steps - no blame, no shame.  Your child will be a potty-pro when she is resourceful in the face of the unexpected, motivated despite obstacles, and adaptable in imperfect conditions.

  1. Check your emotions before you react.  You may be tired, discouraged, frustrated, angry confused, desperate, worried, or just plain overwhelmed.  That's normal.  Hold that emotion till you can rant or scream to a friend later.  Just don't unleash all those adult emotions on your child.  Your child cannot hear what you're saying or learn anything unless you're calm.
  2. Describe what just happened.  Believe it or not, your child may be too overwhelmed to understand the situation.  He may be just as surprised as you that he's wet and uncomfortable.  The only thing he wants is to close his eyes and make it all go away.  So, if you're out shopping and your child is standing in a puddle with a nervous look on his face, simply say "I didn't know you needed to use the potty".  Or, "Ooops, looks like we're too late for the potty".
  3. Find a solution.  Problem solve aloud to teach your child to become a problem solver too.  Say, "Let's find a bathroom where we can change your clothes.  Or, "We don't have extra clothes with us today but we can drive home to get some."  Sometimes, the all-wise, all-knowing parent has no idea what to do.  That's OK; here's your chance to be a great role-model.  When in doubt, stall.  Just say, "hmmmm, I wonder what we should do now?"  Let the world stop until around you until you think of something.  Your child will appreciate knowing he's in good hands.
  4. Stay positive.  Leave your child with the hope that she can still be successful.  Focus on the positive:  "Next time, we can stop in the bathroom first".  Or, "One day it'll be easier to hold it until you get to the potty".   Let her know you are confident that will she succeed in time.  Laughter is also a powerful antidote for mistakes - just be sure you are laughing with, not at your child.

Mistakes are part of growing and learning.  Your attitude and your problem solving teaches your child resilience in an uncertain world.

For more info: You'll find answers to all your potty training questions and hundreds of practical potty training situations in my books:The Potty Training Answer Book(Sourcebooks) and The Playskool Guide to Potty Training(Sourcebooks).
Read a list of potty training "readiness" traits in an earlier Examiner column, How do you know if your child is ready for potty training?

 

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