Advice on bullying

August 23, 1:41 PMParenting ExaminerKaren Deerwester

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Most parents, teachers and children will at some time have to confront the problem of bullying.  As mentioned in the "10 Tips for a Successful School Year", don't wait for a situation to occur before teaching your child how to respond to bullying.  Start now - start young. 

The earlier post discussed research that suggests a connection between parenting and bullying.  Parents should monitor how they talk and teach their children.  Give your child age-appropriate power to speak up for her needs and to become a successful problem solver.  A healthy sense of personal mastery and knowing how and where to get help goes a long way in being capable in the world. 

Here is important advice to help kids deal with bullies from Education.com and the Nemours Foundation:

1. Avoid the bully and use the buddy system.  Stick together.  Stand together - united and strong.
2. Hold the anger.  Emotional reactions (anger, fear, crying, getting upset) may only further engage the bully.  Experts recommend a "poker face" while in front of the bully (not laughing or smiling either).  This isn't to minimize emotional reactions; emotions should be communicated and managed after the situation is safe again.
3. Act brave, walk brave, and ignore the bully.  The recommendation to to "firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away".  Practice non-victim body language.  The goal is for the bully to get "bored with trying to bother you".
4. Tell an adult.  Grown-ups, whether parents, teachers, school administrators, or other adults should be informed to support and create safe places for children.
5. Talk about it.  Silence only perpetuates a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness.  Home, school and neighborhoods want to be tuned in and create opportunities to listen.
6. Remove the incentives.   The experts say, "if the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player, don't bring it to school".  It makes sense to think two steps ahead of the bully so don't stay in a predictable predicament.

Of course, teaching children to deal with bullying is not easy.  But as parents and educators, we can do our best to understand the dynamics of bullying, to be informed, and to utilize the most effective responses when bullying occurs.