Best discipline parenting books: Karen's top picks

October 15, 6:40 AMParenting ExaminerKaren Deerwester

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what's the right discipline strategy for you?

The best parenting books on discipline always share these important characteristics:

• They recognize discipline is teaching, not punishment;
• They provide insight into the developmental and individual reasons for misbehavior;
• They view mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow; and
• They balance age-appropriate expectations with unconditional love and guidance.

Children are children.  Like Max in the children's classic, Where the Wild Things Are, children make poor choices.   They get things all mixed up and wrong.  They forget...over and over again.  Maturity comes with loving guidance.  (You'll also find Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak on the children's book examiner's Best Picture Books List.) 

Here are 6 exceptional parenting books on discipline to help you teach your child life-long skills of personal responsibility and problem solving:

1. Positive Discipline: The First Three Years by Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin and Roslyn Ann Duffy.  This book explains so-called misbehavior using a developmental framework and gives parents age-appropriate strategies to handle stressful situations.  It helps parents to understand the "why" behind the behavior and clarifies appropriate expectations.
2. The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How To Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, Cooperative One-to-Four-Year Old by Harvey Karp.  Dr. Karp's book offers many quick-n-easy tips to add to your parenting bag-o-tricks.  His explanations are unique, fun and a little quirky.  You'll definitely learn something new from his "cave-kid" descriptions, including how to speak "toddler-ese".
3. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The Seven Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation by Becky Bailey.  Becky Bailey knows all the challenging behaviors and she knows how parents get trapped.  She respects and honors children while teaching age-appropriate self-control without falling into fear-based discipline techniques. This book gives hope to desperate parents.
4. Screamfree Parenting by Hal Runkel.  Enough about the kids, let's talk about helping parents!  Runkel's book offers enormous insight into how parent reactions shape the discipline situation.  For every parent who's been neglecting taking care of herself or trying to do the impossible, try this book for help.
5. Loving Without Spoiling and 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids by Nancy Samalin.  Samalin understands kids and all the day-to-day stuff that sabotages successful discipline.  This book has the answers to power struggles, miscommunication, difficult emotions and much more. 
6. Thinking Parent, Thinking Child: How to Turn Your Most Challenging Everyday Problems into Solutions by Myrna Shure.  Shure developed the "I Can Problem Solve" Programs for preschoolers through preteens and teaches children how to become thinkers resolving conflicts and getting along with others.  These are powerful techniques that go far beyond doing the right thing because that's what you're told.

Of course, it takes practice to live and breath positive discipline.  But any one of these books will help you to better understand your child and your particular discipline strengths - and to help your child grow into a person you respect and admire.