How do you know when your child is ready for potty training?

Your child is smart, capable and just had her second birthday, or his third.  You've seen the readiness checklists.  Friends and family are convinced it's time to start actively potty training.  How do you know if your child is really ready? 

This week I heard from three families who finally exhaled after waiting months - eight months in one case - to see their children finally ready for potty success.  Their children had some of the readiness characteristics.  Their children were in every way "normal" happy children.  But for different reasons, their children weren't ready when mom and dad believed they were.  After writing two books on potty training and answering thousands of questions, I want to reassure potty-eager parents everywhere: potty readiness comes from your child.

In writing this week's Family Time newsletter on Hal Runkel's book, Screamfree Parenting, I noticed that one of Runkel's general parenting messages fits perfectly into this readiness discussion.  Runkel says in Screamfree Parenting that "parents mistakenly believe they are responsible for their children". He continues:  "It is our job as parents to get our children to think, feel, and, especially, behave the right way.  It is our job to get our children to be good...Wrong...We have a far greater responsibility to our children than we have for out children."

This is absolutely the secret to successful potty training too.  Create opportunities for potty learning - a positive potty environment; fill in the gaps to the potty puzzle as you can; and have reassuring, confidence building potty routines.  Then, stand back.  As much as you would like, you can't do this for your child.  You must trust that your child can and will step up exactly when he or she is ready.

Here is the developmental readiness list from The Potty Training Answer Book:

1. Your child can stay dry for short periods of time.
2. Your child can communicate the need to potty before she goes.
3. Your child is curious and motivated.
4. Your child understands the sequence of before, during and after, as well as the big picture - "This is the way to potty - good bye diapers!"

And here are the readiness behaviors for each developmental area:

The Physical Behaviors:

• Your child stays dry for at least two hours during the day.
• Your child wakes up dry from naps.
• Your child will pee or poop at regular times - before bath time or an hour after breakfast, for example.
• Your child can walk to a designated place to accomplish a goal.
• Your child can remove pieces of clothing to use the potty.

The Social/Emotional Behaviors:

• Your child asks questions about pottying.
• Your child wants to follow others into the bathroom.
• Your child tries to imitate adult potty behavior.
• Your child likes clean diapers - she asks to be changed at appropriate times.
• Your child cares about the outcomes of her actions - she expresses her likes or dislikes after she does something, and if reminded, will remember those preferences the next time.
• Your child is willing to sit still to master a task.

The Verbal Behaviors:

• Your child knows his body parts.
• Your child can tell you, first when he's pottied in his diaper, and then before he's pottied in his diaper.
• Your child follows simple directions - like, "quick, run to the bathroom".
• Your child tells you what he needs.
• Your child says he wants to "do it myself".

The cognitive behaviors:

• Your child is curious about how her body works.
• Your child sees the connection between her body and the potty.
• Your child understands sequencing - before, during, and after.
• Your child lines up her toys, understands order, and prefers things in the right place.
• Your child thinks ahead - she can stop doing something if she needs to potty.
• Your child comprehends that potty books and videos are relevant to her actions at this time.
• Your child understand the "big picture" - "so, this is how things work".

Ready + willing + practice = success!

 

Topics: parenting , preschool , infant/toddler