See-it, rent-it, skip-it: top 10 best movies in theaters Friday, October 23rd

October 23, 2:49 PMMovie ExaminerRyan Pratt

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Saw 6 is not the first or second... or third, fourth, or fifth.
www.saw6film.com

Explanation: See these films in order from best to worst (a.k.a. see #1 before #2 and don't see #7 unless you saw #1-#6 first) but wait to "rent-it" and watch it at home if it is rated so.

Not sure which movie to see this week in theaters? Let me help you out. The following is a list of films playing in the majority of theaters around the nation, and every single new release this weekend is terribly awful, so go see one of the top 5 first (especially Paranormal Activity if it just arrived at theaters in your area):

1. Paranormal Activity - See-it if you can - One of the top ten scariest movies of all time - This film about a "real" haunted house is an absolutely terrifying faux-documentary (think Blair Witch Project) that will have you finally believing that horror movies can scare the living sh*t out of you again. I truly believe those "haters" claiming "lame" are just too scared to let themselves be scared, and don't belong in the theater with those others there in search of a frightening experience.

2. Where the Wild Things Are - See-it - Spike Jonze's recreation of the children's book masterpiece is dark and beautiful, with honest, real and life-like performances both human and "wild."

3. Zombieland - See-it - The perfect mix of hilarity and gore make Zombieland the perfect Halloween-time film - not to mention the well-kept secret cameo by the perfect person from the most perfect horror comedy of all time.

4. Toy Story 3D & Toy Story 2 - See-it - Toy Story was the first movie shot entirely with CGI (computer generated imagery) and the first in a string of critically acclaimed run of Pixar films, so it's no surprise that the double-feature redone in 3D is worth your 2 hours and 49 minutes in theaters.

5. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs - See-it - A delicious family comedy with a plate full of slapstick and a side of quirky humor.

6. Whip It - Rent-it - Drew Barrymore's directorial debut features brilliant performances from upcoming leading ladies, Ellen Page (Juno) and Kristen Wiig (SNL), in an action comedy about the sport of roller derby.

7. Capitalism: A Love Story - Rent-it - Michael Moore's new documentary is a lot of the same (close-up emotional breakdowns, higher-up confrontations, and persuasive arguments) but just as interesting and entertaining as usual as well.

8. Ong Bak 2 - Rent-it - We were hoping for the next Matrix and the next Bruce Lee, and while Ong Bak 2 is extremely stylish and its martial-arts superstar Tony Jaa is very talented, it falls short of satisfying either wish.

9. Antichrist - Rent-it - Only if you to see something gruesome, explicit, and extremely controversial that is semi-appropriate for Halloween.

10. Law Abiding Citizen - Skip-it - Butler and Foxx will quickly become box-office busters if they continue to headline films like this - think Saw meets Usual Suspects but with none of the good and all of the bad. In other words, Law Abiding Citizen is unnecessarily violent and unreasonably absurd.


Other films in theaters that didn't make the top ten:

Amelia - Skip-it - Everything that Amelia Earhart was, "visionary, lover, dreamer, fighter, legend, iconic." this film is not. This amazing true story is everything but amazing on film. Amelia is an utter disappointment.

Saw VI - Skip-it - I can't say it any better than RottenTomatoes.com: "The makers of the Saw films continue to make Rube Goldberg roll over in his grave with this sixth film in the series."

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant - Skip-it - I said the same thing Tuesday about Blood: The Last Vampire on DVD, but this film will also make you realize that the Twilight-inspired vampire obsession has gone too far.

Astro Boy - Skip-it - Unless you are a fan of the manga or a young boy, then you might want to rent it when it becomes available, but still probably skip it in theaters.

Motherhood - Skip-it - Uma Thurman is a "mother" with many realistic but comedic trials and tribulations.

The Stepfather - Skip-it - These trailers (and even the title) are why we all hate watching previews and reading critics reviews these days. Stay away from this studio-produced drivel and go see (or rent) any of these 10+ better "horror" films from 2009.

Couples Retreat - Skip-it - The talented ensemble cast is certain to sell tickets but those movie-goers will want to "retreat" 20 minutes into this lackluster bare-bottom comedy.