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Maniac's Matinee Part IV: 'Martyrs' DVD review
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Four words: SEE THIS MOVIE TONIGHT.
Ok maybe three more: GET SCREWED UP.
The collection of seven words above is there because I wanted it to be readable on the main Examiner headline page because, for once, we have a horror film that really set the bar to a new height in a genre that's as rotten and worn thin as Bret Favre's jock strap. But enough with this preamble - on to the next preamble...
I sort of started this Maniac's Matinee thing a few weeks ago because I hadn't really been keeping up on the horror movie genre for a while now. What's there to keep up with right? Rob Zombie, Eli Roth, the never-ending series of sh*tty Saw movies, warmed-up leftovers from the 80's and 70's all fashionably done-up for today's I-still-need-to-text-people-during-the-movie audience...
Yeah brother I hear you.
But with as much damage as the current stock of American horror filmmaker is raining down on the genre, I still really, really dig horror movies. Especially with five or six good friends, a couple bottles of strong wine, and a horror movie that's actually worth a good golden damn. No other brand of movie entertains like a solid horror movie. That's what this little literary experiment is all about: Finding good horror films in the endless ocean of sleaze and Hollywood hogsh*t. That means scanning the horror dvd section of Best Buy murderously looking for something better than Zombie Strippers or any number of the sequentially awful After Dark Horrorfest series. (it's like they can't find a hit - three years of this "Festival" and not one winner in the bunch?) Now it's kind of become my own little private afternoon horror show every week. To be truthful it's made writing about movies fun again - so much of this job is repeating crap (Crap: Movie News! Movie Trailers! Movie Clips! Release Dates!) you've heard somewhere else...
The reason for this grandiose introduction? I sat down and watched a French horror movie called Martyrs this afternoon and it frakked me up good. Really good. So good I couldn't wait to review it:
Martyrs/2008 - Directed by: Pascal Laugier
Starring: Catherine Begin, Robert Toupin, Morjana Alaoui, and Mylene Jampanoi
The Plot: The former victim of a brutal childhood kidnapping seeks bloody revenge against the persons responsible. We don't know what really happened to her but we do know that this broad's got murder on the mind - but is the mind itself sound? Buckets of blood will be shed before the stunning truth finally reveals its fiendish head...
The Good: So there's basically this version of the American dickhead who's pretty sure the French are a bunch of worthless, gutless cowards. He looks like this. Breeds with this. And spawns little dickheads by the dozen. But he's probably never sat down with a French horror movie before. Movies like Xavier Gens' Frontiere(s) (rated NC-17 and worth every ounce of that tall rating) or the maternally vicious Inside. Or recently Pascal Laugier's Martyrs. If he did sit down with one of these movies he'd frantically change his mind about the French as a population. The French may look snotty and weak - but dear sweet god are they a bunch of ruthless savages when it comes to making horror movies. And beautifully photographed horror movies as well. Murder becomes high art seen through the lens of a mad Frenchman.
I saw Frontiere(s) last year and it kicked my ass black, blue, and backward. I sat down with Martyrs today and once again got knocked onto my fat, lazy, American can. Which led me to question my own nation and its hundreds of limp, stupid, frat-boy attempts at delivering a strong horror movie experience. WHY CAN'T WE MAKE A HORROR MOVIE THIS BLOODY GOOD????? The French are making this look too easy.
The true beauty of Martyrs lies in its plain brown paper wrapping. (check out the poster for reference) For ten minutes we have no idea what denomination of horror flick we have on our hands. It seems like a horror movie, but maybe not a very lively one. It's just your average French family, sitting down to have breakfast together - with all the banality of eating and conversation while eating... Then this flick hits you. Really hits you. Not with a candy-ass punch to the teeth either. It piles a logging truck directly over you and drags what's left, bashed, bleeding and screaming for 80 more minutes before hammering on the brakes to give everybody a nice, clean, breath of reality. It's a grueling trip - and that's being polite. As it turns out it's also the best horror movie I've seen in... (can't put a time frame on this - though I'd love to in this instance)
I had the original, 1974, my-favorite-horror-flick-ever, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre roaring in my head as I watched Martyrs today. I had that old fashioned Texas Chainsaw Feeling brother. Nothing gives me that anymore. And in so many ways, Martyrs is a better film than that one could ever be. Not in classic status. Not even in general chainsaw-chasing insanity. But it didn't have the entire compass of the film printed in bold in its title either. I didn't have any clue, once that evil ten minute mark ticked-off, where this film was going, what was going on behind the scenes that I couldn't see just yet, and what horrors where going to come for my throat next.
Martyrs is a horror movie first. An ice-cold mystery movie second. That it somehow manages to take both the genres and then deliver a 3rd act that transcends, (frak I hate using that word - but it fits here - you'll see) the tone of this brutal film into something akin to a spiritual head rush makes this movie a modern day miracle of film engineering. It's also going to put your stomach on trial for its contents. Martyrs pulls no punches - literally. I doubt I'll ever want to eat Cream of Wheat again in this lifetime...
I'd love to say more about all the wicked turns and nasty monsters that jump out to yell "boo!" that riddle the landscape of this outstanding horror movie pretty much non-stop once it starts. But I won't. There's too much fun to be had in not knowing, and I'd be a common criminal if I spoiled the ride for you.
The Bad - So I took all level of verbal abuse and character assassination when I reviewed, and pretty much tagged as brazenly overrated - Let The Right One In. (the Nordic horror movie with the heart of satin) Yeah, so what? I didn't like the movie. After seeing Martyrs now I really don't like the movie. How did this movie get passed over by so many pillars in the critical industry for that lousy lump of soft-serve??
The Ugly - Blunt force trama. Your inner-spirit's in for a real beating here. Few movies take anything as far as this one is willing to.
The Verdict: Texas Chainsaw, Halloween, Alien, American Werewolf, Dawn of the Dead, The Shining - all towers in the pantheon of horror film. So why was I thinking of all of them while I was watching this French horror movie that barely got any noise on this side of the globe? This flick is built from the stuff that legends are made of. See it tonight. Get screwed up. I can't wait to see what this smart Director will cook up next.
Part I of the Maniac's Matinee horror series - Laid to Rest
Part II and III of the Maniac's Matinee horror series - The Burrowers/Splinter
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