RSS
Home
The National Movie Examiner's review of 'Twilight' (finally!)
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
.jpg)
Author's Note: The original plan here - after completely stiffing Twilight when it hit theaters last Fall - was to at least view and review the movie when it came to DVD last month. But I was out of the country when the movie was released on disc, so I let Twilight pass me by for a second time. I've avoided the film as I usually avoid massive pop-culture phenomena. (right now I'm avoiding Rhianna and Mexican Swine Flu) But there was no doubt that the book series as well as the first movie based on them made a huge cultural splash. In all honesty I could have lived out the rest of my adult life not ever seeing the flick, but I got an email from a fellow Examiner telling me that she would love to know my thoughts on the movie. So I blame it on her. Here you go Kerns, this one is for you....
Twilight/2008
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Starring: (my gawd he's GORGEOUS!) Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and everybody else who couldn't get a role in Highschool Musical...
The Plot: A young, blindingly white, white girl moves from Phoenix Arizona to Forks Washington. Of course she's a social outcast but not nearly the social outcast that the members of the mysterious "Cullen" family seem to be. She falls for the hunkier of the Cullen clan. A tall, quiet, lethally handsome lad named Edward. But is Ed all that he seems? Is there a dark secret behind that crushing smile? Hell yes boys and girls.... Oh hell yes.
The Good: Hey Twilight's a great looking flick. Living in the Pacific Northwest - born into the downpour as it were - I'm proud of how mystic and beautiful my part of the world came off in this movie. (filmed in Washougal Washington - home of the best outdoor motocross track in the lower 50) Washington's a beautiful State. Very rugged. Very moody. And for a moody film the location really worked. I also really enjoyed the "vampire baseball" scene. Funnest scene of the film in my estimation.
The Bad: Watching Twilight is like peering directly into the heart of a 14 year old girl. All her fantasies, her teenage longings, her perverse dreams, her embarrassing crushes - it's all in here. The good guy is the cute guy who wants the girl, absolutely LOVES the girl, but knows in his treasured heart that he is BAD for the girl. The girl on the other hand LOVES the cute-guy/bad-boy, and wants to RUN FREE with his pack, (on this occasion it's vampires) if only he will give up the silly notion that they will never be together.... Because these two NEED to be TOGETHER - FOREVER.
This is basically a relationship fantasy for tween girls who have never had a relationship. For them, (and god bless em') Twilight is a feast for heart and mind. For a man in his thirties, it's frightening insight into a world both alien and distressing. It's like wandering into the teen girl underwear section at Target. I'm thinking how did I get HERE and what must these people be thinking of me?
The addition of the vampire mythos didn't help me get into the movie anymore than I was already capable of. I'm not a big fan of the pasty, pouty, hopelessly lost in the ocean of eternity vampire. I know, or at least now I know, that very young girls are. These vampires seem like the easiest vampires in the world to have in your neighborhood. They eat up all the pesky wildlife in the area and basically keep to themselves. Every so often one of them will save a young damsel from annihilation by a van skidding dangerously out of control. So I don't really have any problems with the Cullen Vampire Clan. I wish more vampires were like them. Maybe not on film, but definitely in the real world.... Definitely in Forks Washington.
The Ugly: Did I say the hero was the cute-guy? Because the villain is the obviously not-so-cute-guy. Why is this guy bad? Because he's just bad? Because he's wearing a ponytail? Or is it because he's not as good-looking as Edward? And speaking of Edward, does anyone else have a problem with Robert Pattinson as an actor? Because I kind of did. Why does he always look like he just took a 90mph knuckle-ball to the back of his head? It would explain the big hair - but it would also explain the constant state of "concussion" this guy seems to be in. I know he's the Tiger Beat "it boy" right now, but as an actor he kind of sucks. Pun intended.
The Verdict: Twilight is Underworld in Underoos. It's like reading the melancholy diaries of the teenage damned. I won't say that it's overrated because I have no idea how rated the film was when it was released. Does it deserve to be the pop culture phenomena that it is? Sure it does. There are 12 billion teenage girls in this world and they only need one single pool of hopelessly deep sorrow and sap to throw their mighty, thundering hearts into. That pool is Twilight. For the rest of you I must strongly warn you to keep away from the Twilight pool. You might be disconcerted by what you discover in these shallow waters. But for you young girls in the prime of your acne and budding womanhood - please jump in. Rejoice. Splash about. Dive deep into its sweet dark nucleus. This is where you belong.
Related Articles:
Comments
