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Defending Tom Cruise
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The Cheshire Cat is in that mouth somewhere...
The Charges: One doesn't have to go far in the world online web to find sites devoted exclusively to hating the guts out of Tom Cruise. I'd like to point out Exhibit A and B, I Hate Tom Cruise and TomCruiseIsNuts for evidence of the fierceness of his detractors. He's obviously crazy and behaves like he's got a cattle-prod of joy rammed up his ass. When he's not assaulting Oprah's couch like a pit-bull in a nursery, he's wearing high-heels so his wife, Katie Holmes, doesn't have to "stoop" anymore and make her short husband appear taller... Oh yeah, he's also in Hubbard's Cupboard of Scientology & Alien Buffoonery, and he's possibly bi-sexual... These are the charges. This is the reason why Paramount cut their contract with Cruise and his producing partner Paula Wagner.
The Defense: I'm going to base my case on numbers ladies and gentlemen. Since 1992 out of the 17 movies he's been in, he's only had THREE that didn't make 100 million dollars plus. Out of these three, two were art house films, obviously aimed at working with Directors of note. Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut and Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia, (for which he got an Oscar Nomination) we won't count last year's feeble attempt to ride the Iraq war train in Lions for Lambs. Every dumb actor in Hollywood has made one of those cash-repellent films in the last five years. But back to finances, there is no safer bet in Hollywood right now. Cruise picks the right films, 96% of the time.
Cruise has also been hand-chosen by some A-List movie directors to lead their films. Spielberg loves him. Michael Mann adores him. J.J Abrams owes his career to him. Cameron Crowe needs him. And last Summer's hit comedy Tropic Thunder just wouldn't have been the same without him. His producing company has also brought some no-name talent to the forefront of the film industry. Narc, Shattered Glass, The Others, all great movies from undiscovered talent, all produced by Cruise/Wagner. With Cruise's track record of hits, I'm wondering who's more insane: Tom, or Paramount for cutting him from the swim team?
Tom's officially been a working movie star longer than anyone alive outside of Jack Nicholson, (he'll never be Nicholson) who's work has suffered a bit during his latter career. Cruise's work is on its third wind and still rolling on strong as it ever was. Tom has huge, icon-level hits in the last three decades. He's got the best "run" in entertainment. Both box-office and actual footwork.
As far as his character goes... Sure he's a Scientologist. Travolta's a Scientologist, but not nearly as deranged I'm guessing. Cruise didn't help himself on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and I'm sure the Prosecution will display the video of the event as evidence of a diagnosed case of the screaming-crazies. As to which I can only admit that, sure, Tom lost his gawdamn mind for 45 minutes. But he didn't commit any notable crime during the exchange, and everybody walked away from the pageant with all body extremities in full working order. As for the charge of him being "Gay"? C'mon people, Lance Bass is gay, Clay Aiken is gay, Tom Cruise is most definitely straight... Straight enough anyway.
So get off the Cruise Crazytrain, and come on over to the Valley of Unremittent Tommy-Love. He's so much better when you give up the hate and enjoy the actor, the movie star, the 100 yard dash champion...
A note on these "Defending..." columns: In the future I'm going to ply my wares putting up a defense for most of showbusiness's social pariahs. George Lucas, Matrix III, Mel Gibson, Jar-Jar Binks, The Passion of the Christ, Sylvester Stallone and many, many, more movies, directors, actors, and film characters... I will never however defend Michael Jackson or Indiana Jones 4. Email me at rockatanski@live.com with some ideas, and I'll see if they're worthy causes...
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