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Flop-Radar: Beyonce wants to play Wonder Woman?
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It's an official flop folks.... This early photo proves it..
I've explained my high-tech Flop-Radar system in the past. It's an electronic wonder machine that can see a bad movie coming from one, two, maybe even three years away. Sometimes I don't really need Flop-Radar to see a crap-movie come cascading down the pipeline. In the case of the new Wonder Woman flick, which Beyonce just announced her formidable interest in, I don't need the Flop-Radar device at all. This film says "bad idea" in 900 different languages.
Here's her quote to the LA Times:
“I want to do a superhero movie and what would be better than Wonder Woman? It would be great. And it would be a very bold choice. A black Wonder Woman would be a powerful thing. It’s time for that, right?” said Beyonce. “After doing these roles that were so emotional I was thinking to myself, ‘OK, I need to be a superhero’. Although, when you think about the psychology of the heroes in the films these days, they are still a lot of work, of course, and emotional. But there’s also an action element that I would enjoy.”
Doesn't she already own an invisible jet?
We all remember Shaq's knock-out performance as Steel I'm sure. And who can forget the lovely Halle Berry as Catwoman? Just so it may seem like I'm not picking on black actors and their different entries into the superhero film market, can we all agree that maybe Pam Anderson's Barb Wire, Helen Slater's Supergirl and Alicia Silverstone in pretty much anything weren't exactly the sharpest film ideas in the drawer? And maybe so it doesn't seem like I'm picking on our female actors I'd like to remind everyone of Alec Baldwin in The Shadow, Billy Zane in The Phantom, and Sylvester Stallone in Judge Dredd... Oh yeah, sorry human race, I guess I am singling you guys out in this column. If it pleases the court I'd like to also call attention to one Howard the Duck. Another tragic comic book film adaptation in the long sad history of tragic comic book adaptations.
And correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Princess Diana (no not that Princess Diana...) aka Wonder Woman an Amazon from Greek Mythology? Are we this free now with our casting decisions that pretty much any actor, no matter what race, can play any character? Would this work, or even better yet, would this even be attempted going the other way? I mean why not get Steve Carell to play the Brown Hornet? Or get Elijah Wood to play John Stewart, (no not that John Stewart...) aka the black Green Lantern? Or how about Johnny Depp as the Black Panther? (no not those Black Panthers...) Nobody would have the stones to try something like that. And for good reason - it would never work. Just like this won't work.
A Wonder Woman movie is a screamingly bad idea for a movie no matter how you slice it. By putting Beyonce Knowles in the shiny red "ef-me" boots the deal is pretty much sealed. Besides my Flop-Radar is giving me an audio clip preview of the giggles and outright laughter from next year's theater audience once the Wonder Woman (starring Beyonce!) trailer plays in public for the first time in our near future. I'm trusting the technology on this one.
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