The Quantum model of passion

April 12, 1:49 PMDC Marriage Advice ExaminerTonya Foust Mead, PhD, MBA, MA

Previous Next

2 comments Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the DC Marriage Advice Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Dr. David Schnarch, PhD, author of “Passionate Marriage” has coined the term Quantum Model of Sex, similar to the quantum theory of physics. He proposes that this multi-level approach to human sexuality better explains how we function sexually, particularly when involved in a long-term committed relationship.

The quantum theory as applied to the human response includes many dimensions such as:  depth of relational involvement with one’s partner (see article on bonding and fun activities together), the profoundness of sex, intimacy (see intimate song list), desire (see article for ideas to remove sexual inhibitions)  and sexual style. Perhaps the most fascinating aspect of this perspective is that ‘how you feel about your sensations—and how you got them—has a bigger impact on your overall arousal than does the sensory stimulation itself,’ he writes. For us, this statement has the following implications:

1. Some partners experience greater sensations when they are in the ‘giving role.’
2. Emotional stimulation often has a more powerful impact than physical stimulation.
3. A physical sensation can be diminished if our mind does not compute it as a pleasurable.
4. If your mind judges certain stimulations to be inappropriate, the sensations felt will be less arousing.
5. Your mind must make the connection that the encounter ‘fits’ you, it needs to ‘agree’ with who you are as a person.
6. Any unresolved emotional conflicts will impede physical responsiveness.
7. Most people function better in a ‘loving’ context even when the physical stimulation isn’t great.
8. Your partner’s feelings also affect your feelings, sexual function and ultimate satisfaction.
9. Becoming too comfortable with your partner can lead to sexual boredom.
10. Failing to improve one’s sexual potential beyond the ‘minimalist’ approach (just doing enough to get by) can lead to sexual dysfunction should something intrude to interrupt the delicate balance (job loss, weakening stock market, child or parent of ill health, declining home values).

So getting back to the significance of thoughts and feelings, if you are interested in removing emotional garbage, click.  Resolving conflicts, another key factor in moderating one’s thoughts and feelings will be reviewed shortly in the next article. For now though,  Schnarch argues that by disciplining one’s thoughts and feelings, you can more than offset any declining hormonal drive and reflexive responses. He mentioned three ways to gain mastery of one’s thoughts. They will be discussed in the coming days:

• Eroticism
• Desire
• Emotional union

Literary Resources
Schnarch, David. Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, W.W. Norton Company, 1997.