Sterility in adoption; I'm an emotional wreck

For the first time yesterday I felt very distant from my second son. He is still in Guatemala with his foster mother so he is, in reality, very distant from us. However, as I waited for over an hour for copies of our passports to be apostilled for the second time the whole adoption process felt very sterile.

Our first adoption was so emotional and I was attached to my vivacious Russian born son from the moment I saw his picture. We traveled blind in December to meet our second son and he was only 8 days old.  I have yet to see his personality but we knew right away that AJ was going to have spark.

As I sat contemplating the two different experiences a very pregnant woman toddled into the room and I was struck by how uncomfortable she looked at eight months pregnant and how fine I was at eight months "paper pregnant".

Her feet were so swollen that she HAD to wear flip-flops. I, on the other hand, was anxiously awaiting my sealed papers so that I could head to the Consulate de Guatemala and then to meet my father for drinks at the Chi Bar.

The adoption process can be very mundane and sterile...quite unemotional at times because all you seem to do is sign and seal papers. But it can also turn you into an emotional wreck because although you desperately want to be parents there seems to be no end in sight.

A pregnancy lasts 9 months right? How long does it take to adopt? Apparently it all depends upon who makes the rules.

I just wish I could break them.

Marcie writes about adoption everyday at A Child Chosen.