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Dear Annie, I’m friends with a guy who I’ll call Bob. He’s not my usual type, but we have such a great time together that I’ve fallen in love with him. I can’t bring myself to date other people because I’m sure he’s the one for me. I’ve hinted that I‘d like to be closer several times in the last year, but he hasn’t picked up on it. I’m not sure if he’s dating anyone at the moment. He may be too shy to ask me out. I don’t know how to bring this up without ruining our friendship. What can I do to make him fall in love with me? Carrie
Dear Carrie, He may be secretly pining for you, and hoping that you bring up the topic of the two of you moving towards a romance. More likely, he loves you only as a friend. If that's the case, odds are that his feelings for you won't change.
Unless you want to continue spending your life waiting for him to pursue you, you have two choices. Either summon up your courage and uncover the truth, or begin living your life as if being involved with him isn't possible.
If you want to find out what he's thinking, broach the subject by telling him a little about a frustration that you have with dating. Ask him for a male perspective. If he doesn’t talk about his love life after that, ask him how it’s going. Inquire about what he wants in his future partner. Be open to whatever he tells you, even if it hurts. Knowing the truth will give you the opportunity to move forward romantically—with or without him.
If he’s not interested in a relationship with you, the only thing that you can do is let go of your dreams of a future with him. Imaginary lovers are momentarily delightful, but not satisfying for the long-term. Go online and start dating other men. Spend your time around other friends and activities that you enjoy. In the unlikely event that he’ll change his mind, it’s most likely to happen when he sees you being happy and occupied with your life. When he sees you happily dating, he’ll have to address how he might feel if you find someone else.
If you are in love with someone who is not pursuing you romantically, the best thing that you can do is to begin exploring your options while enjoying your life. Waiting for him to come around is a great way to miss out on having a great love life of your own!
San Francisco based midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles who are frustrated with the dating scene and helps them to transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program.
For more info: Check out dating classes, events and midlife dating information at www.getalovelife.net or email annie@getalovelife.net
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