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Why isn’t she returning my texts?
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Dear Annie, I’ve been seeing Cathy for about a month and a half. She suddenly stopped responding to my texts. Since I don’t want to go overboard, I only sent her two texts in three days. She used to reply right away. Her last one said that she’d had a great time with me the night before, and she signed off with "See you soon."
Looking back, I may have said something during our last date that created pressure or doubt. I don't want to call or text her to explain this miscommunication, since she’ll probably think that I’m needy or pathetic.
Should I wait and see for a week, or should I call her on the premise that I screwed up, even though her last communication was so positive? I think that if I chase her, she will run. Larry
Hi Larry, Call her as if nothing unusual has happened, and ask how she is. If she sees you as interested and playful, she’s more likely to respond positively. The trick is not to appear desperate or needy—even if you’re feeling that way. Here are some dos and don’ts.
Do – keep the call short and light. Be ready to hang up on a positive note, no matter what. She’ll hear your smile as you say, “I better get going, or I’ll be late.” Set a timer for ten minutes, just in case you might have a hard time hanging up.
Do -- ask her how she’s been, and what she’s been up to. Let her know what you’ve been up to, and that you’ve been enjoying yourself.
Do -- have a plan for something you’d like to do with her the next time you see her. Whether it’s a movie, a street fair, or a great restaurant you discovered, offer her the opportunity to share a fun experience with you. A good resource for local events is FunCheapSF. If she can’t join you, say “Maybe, next time,” and end the conversation on an up-note.
Don't -- ask her why she hasn’t responded to your texts.
Don't -- apologize for anything that happened on your last date, unless she brings it up. Wait until you are face-to-face to broach that subject.
At the moment, you can't be sure why she hasn’t texted you. It could be anything—maybe she wants to train you to talk on the phone, rather than text, or she’s been ill, or she’s decided that she doesn’t want to see you again. If she doesn't respond to you for a couple of weeks, you’ll have your answer. It's not a nice way to reject someone, but unfortunately, some people don't have the skills to tell others that they have decided to move on.
You will never know why someone doesn’t return your calls, texts or emails unless you connect with them. If you approach it from a place of interest, rather than one of desperation, you’re more likely to be successful.
* Names are always changed for privacy
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Midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles who are frustrated with the dating scene and helps them to transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program.
For more info: Check out dating classes, events and midlife dating information at www.getalovelife.net or email annie@getalovelife.net
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