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Why do I only meet losers?
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Viewed closely, a loser's heart has striking characteristics
I’ve been hearing for years that “All of the good guys in San Francisco are either married or gay.” It’s one of those urban legends that lead you to believe that all straight, single men are jerks, and that there are no decent guys left. On the other hand, many believe that if you’re gay, it will be easy to find Mr. Right in this town. This is wrong on both counts!
On top of this, jokes portraying men to be incompetent slobs who only think of sex, sports and drinking keep arriving in our in-boxes. The problem with them is that they reinforce an unconscious, negative attitude. It’s no wonder that when a loser asks a woman out, she thinks that that she’ll just have to put up with him, and hope he’ll improve in the long term. Perhaps, like Carolyn*, some women unfortunately believe that they can train men to treat her properly after the men fall in love with them.
Dear Annie,
It seems to me that most single guys my age are losers. I end up going out with them because I really want to be in a relationship. I don’t seem to meet anyone normal. How can I get them to treat me better? I tell them what they should do in order to treat me right, but they don’t listen. What should I do?
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn,
If a loser asks you out, say no. Guess what? The vast majority of men are great guys .
Certainly, there are guys out there who’ve taken the how-to-pick-up-women classes, guys who are insincere, on the rebound, etc. These men tend to ask many women out, in the hopes that they can have sex with anyone who’s reasonably attractive. For them it’s a numbers game. They have learned to be charming while they’re pursuing women, so it feels flattering to be with someone who seems that interested in you. There are guys who are looking for “Ms. Right Now” instead of “Ms. Right.”
But if you’re repeatedly dating losers, it may be that your man-compass is out of kilter. You may have it calibrated to point to the wrong type of guy. Men often complain to me that women don’t like nice guys. When a decent guy likes you and wants to get to know you, he may be a little nervous. He’ll try to find out what you want, and often truly makes an attempt to please you. Some women see this type of behavior as unmanly or undesirable. Not true. Relationships are about being vulnerable. Contrary to many stereotypes, most men are sensitive and want to be loved.
How do you tell the difference between a good guy and one not worth wasting your time on? Not by how they look or how they approach you. Get to know them slowly. If they exhibit bad behavior, ask them about it. And it continues, don’t stick around. Once you stop dating creeps, you will have room in your life for men who are looking for real love.
Here’s to a great love life! Annie
Send me your dating questions annie@getalovelife.net
*Names are changed
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