On-line dating tips for the savvy single

A medical professional recently recounted her nightmarish on-line dating experience as she poked and prodded me during a procedure. She had been widowed and raised her children before venturing into the dating world. She had a difficult time meeting eligible men, and her friends advised her to look on-line. Although she filled out her profile, the thought of posting her picture was too much for her to bear. An interesting guy contacted her, and they began corresponding by email. Their correspondence became increasingly more romantic, and turned into a series of long phone calls. After six months, she felt that their relationship had become sufficiently established for them to meet.

They met at a San Francisco restaurant. Neither of them had ever seen the other’s photos. Dinner was strained. During desert, he told her that he didn’t want to see her again. He said that if he had known what she looked like, he would never have asked her out. She was crushed. How, she asked me, could she ever even consider dating again? Just the thought of trusting another man, who could potentially be so cruel, was painful.

I was sympathetic, but didn’t have the heart to tell her that, if she had been savvier, she could have protected herself. It was too late to fix this situation, so I encouraged her to resume dating - and advised her to get coaching.

On-line dating is a great way to meet people, especially when it’s part of an arsenal of other ways of getting to know people. If she had been my client, I would have had her follow these guidelines.

Photos: Post the best, most current photos of yourself. Professional photos are ideal - after all, this is an ad. Be sure to post a headshot, as well as several full-body shots. Look your best for the photo, feature different outfits and take shoots in different places. If you can’t post a photo of yourself for professional reasons, email several pictures immediately to anyone with whom you’re corresponding.

When you make contact, tell them what you have in common, what was special about their profile and why you wanted to write to them. Don’t be afraid to let them know that you’d like to get to know them better. Women: it’s OK to approach men. Resist the temptation create one email, copy and send it out to anyone you’re interested in. Don’t make plans for your mutual future, or ever say how much you’re smitten. If you don’t get a response to your email, just move on.

Reply promptly to emails and winks. If you are interested, tell them more about yourself and ask them questions. After a couple of exchanges, tell them that you’d like to see if you have chemistry in person. Suggest exchanging cell phone numbers. If you’re not interested, use a cut-and-paste email saying, “Thanks for contacting me. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that we’re a match, but best of luck in your search.” If someone argues with you about your decision, on-line sites allow you to simply block them, and not respond or make further contact. If you’re not sure, ask them a couple of questions. Once you have more information, you’ll be able to make a better decision.

Meeting potential dates: The only way that most people know if there is the possibility of a relationship is when they meet in person. So don’t wait until you’re emotionally involved before meeting someone. If you feel that there might be relationship potential, get together after a few e-mails and a phone call or two. Forget about him picking you up if you are a woman. That’s for later. This time, meet in a busy café or restaurant. Keep the date short, so that it’s easy to escape if you need to.

Utilizing these tips will ground your on-line dating. Getting carried away with someone is only wonderful when it’s real!

Be sure to contact me by Wednesday, with your suggestions for great places for singles to mingle this weekend!

Check out my website at getalovelife.net for more dating tips.