RSS
Home
Taking rejection like a man
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
“We had amazing chemistry, got along great, and sudenly she told me to forget it. What happened?” Dave, a handsome client from San Francisco was crushed. “It took me months to gather up the courage to ask her out, and after 2 dates, she told me that we have no chemistry. How could she have felt that way when I cared so much?” Dating is about discovering whether or not each of you love each other enough to want to stay together. Like it or not, each of you has absolute veto power over whether your relationship has a future.
How can you take away the sting from discovering that the person you care for no longer wants to be involved with you? It's one of the most difficult aspects of dating. As a coach, I help my clients minimize their dating pain. Jim* writes:
Dear Annie,
I really don't need a dating coach. I need someone that can teach me how to take rejection like a man!
Ouch!! Jim
Dear Jim,
No one "takes it like a man" if they have a heart. Of course, it’s normal to feel sad when you say good-bye to someone you care for. No one is psychic enough to be able to predict who will or won't reject them, especially early in the dating process. Although rejection hurts, it helps to remember that it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. The number one reason that people are rejected is because the other person doesn’t believe that the two of you are a match, for whatever reason. The silver lining is that you are able to make room in your life for someone who will truly love and appreciate you for who you are.
Often, when people get rejected, they attempt to figure out what they did wrong. “If only I had paid attention when she said that she needs more space.” “Maybe if I hadn’t appeared so needy.” “Maybe I’m a looser.” “I always attract the wrong people.” Rule Number One: Don’t ever do this! Being rejected hurts enough already. Don’t make it worse by second-guessing yourself after the fact. Unless your date has told you their reason, you are making up a story that may or may not be true.
Resolving to communicate more openly with the next person might help avert future surprises. You can lower your chances of being hurt by opening yourself up to others slowly. Think of dating as a “catch and release program”. Take your time getting to know someone before becoming emotionally invested. Your goal is finding out whether you are compatible and enjoy each other’s company. That’s it. Keep in mind that most dating relationships end after the first date. The third date, the 3, 6, 9 month and 1 year markers are also prime time for break-ups. Keeping that in mind helps to slow emotional involvement down so that you move forward in a way that protects your heart.
Here’s to a great love life!
Annie
*Not his real name
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
