Will you still love me tomorrow?

Love is in the air as New Year’s celebrations approach. Are you looking back at 2008, and wondering if you’ll find love next year? Rest assured that becoming a smart dater increases the odds that you’ll find “The One” in the near future.

Get started by going out on New Year’s Eve. If you are going to a party, contact the host ahead of time, and ask to be introduced to other available singles. Let your friends know that you’re looking for a relationship. No party to go to? Fortunately, the Bay Area is home to an abundance of fabulous New Year’s Eve activities targeted towards singles. I’ve listed some of them at the end of this post.

Once you are in the process of meeting new people, it helps to take it slowly. If you fall too fast, it’s easy to miss signals that might mean that your new friend is not as enamored of you as you might think.

Dear Annie, I met a Jack at a club a few nights ago. He was very attentive, and we had a great time together all evening.

We went to his place after the club closed. He told me he was incredibly lucky to have found a girl like me. He said that he was deadly serious about me, and was thrilled to think how much his mother would like me. He wanted nothing more in life than to keep me and make me his. He told me that he did not usually bring girls back to his place unless he thought there was a chance for a relationship to develop.

I stayed at his apartment, but didn’t sleep with him. After I left, he text-messaged me throughout the day. The more he pursued me, the more I allowed and encouraged him.

I called at the end of the day, as he’d asked. The conversation was a little awkward, since he was at a colleague's event. He said that he would ring back, but he never did.

I am just shocked. Why didn’t he call when he said he would? I never asked him to pursue me so strongly. It just seemed like someone switched off the light. I wonder if my phone call to him seemed too awkward. Maybe he lost my number. Could it be stress? I’m totally confused. Thank you, Julie

Dear Julie, Ouch! Jack did a great job of sending you confusing messages. You didn't do anything wrong on the phone. He didn't loose your number, nor is he under too much stress to call you.

It's time to move on, and forget about someone who would treat you so badly. Let's create a positive learning experience from this.

The trouble with getting involved so quickly is that you believed Jack when he told you how much he cared for you. A good rule to follow when you're dating is "trust, but verify." How can you verify feelings? If a man cares for you, he will show you by treating you well on an ongoing basis. It's important for women to understand that many guys are able to have a great time with a woman, but later they might not have any desire to see her again.

By the time you got to his place, you'd known each other for only a few hours. Most likely, he was aroused, and was telling you anything in order to get you to have sex with him. Whenever a man tells you what a wonderful, amazing woman you are, it's time to stop and ask yourself, "What does he know about me that gives him this idea?" If you've spent hardly time together, chances are he's simply having fun with you and enjoying physical chemistry.

I saw a red flag when he mentioned how much his mother would like you. He couldn't have known you well enough to know what his mother would think of you. My guess is that he was trying to seduce you by bringing up the idea of a relationship, so that you'd be more likely to sleep with him. When someone brings up the possibility of long-term relationships, or wanting to know friends and family during a first encounter, it's often too soon to be genuine interest.

Next time, take it slowly, no matter how insistent he is. If he really wants to get involved with you, he'll let you know that you can count on him. If someone sounds too good to be true, listen to your judgment. Best of luck, Annie

New Years Eve Party in Concord! Hosted by Professionals Guild at the Hilton Concord Hotel. Advanced Tickets only $65 include 2 drink tickets.
$75 at the door Be sure to reserve in advance to ensure a space!
1970 Diamond Blvd, Concord, CA 94520

New Years Eve Party in Palo Alto! Hosted by Singles Supper Club and Society of Single Professionals $39/door.
Optional: Progressive Dinner at 7pm available for an additional $40 RSVP and payment by credit card of $79 ($40 for dinner; $39 for party) required, online or by calling Barbara at Singles Supper Club at 650/327-4645.
Location: The Cabana Resort Hotel (Crowne Plaza), 4290 El Camino Real, Palo Alto CA 94306.

Check out my Dating Blunders segment on KGO TV View From the Bay. 

Contact me with your dating questions and suggestions annie@getalovelife.net

Midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles frustrated with the dating scene and helps them to transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program.