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Women behaving badly while dating
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Most of us go on a date in order to get to know someone attractive. Your goals may differ--you may not agree on the type or duration of the relationship--but dating is about attempting to connect on some level. Behaving badly stops bonding in its tracks.
Shoddy dating conduct is not just the province of women. However, in this post, I’m going to focus on them. There is a huge amount of frustration in the dating scene, and small changes in behavior can help to avoid bad feelings. If you’ve ever wondered why he never called again, you could be guilty, without being aware of it. How can women avoid creating dating faux pas?
Be kind: Men go to a lot of trouble when they’re dating. They generally pursue women, risking rejection at the outset. They plan and pay for the date. At minimum, they have the right to expect that women reciprocate by being appreciative, attentive, polite, and kind. The responses to my “Who pays for a date?” post indicate that this is not always the case.
Put your cell phone away: Dave told me of a second (and last) date with a woman who had several cell phone conversations with her college age daughter during dinner at a San Francisco restaurant. Rich’s first and only date with Cyndi was over when she interrupted the conversation to text-message friends during drinks.
It is not your job to give men instructions in dating etiquette: Gary took Paula to a Giants game. He thought it would be romantic if he brought a picnic to the game. They ate together, made out, and he took her home. He felt that the date had gone very well. She didn’t return his call the next day. Several days later, he received an email critique from Paula. She told him that she and her friends had analyzed what happened on their date. She listed everything that he had “done wrong,” and gave him pointers for future dates. Needless to say, Gary didn't contact her again. He felt that he had dodged a bullet.
If you don’t want to see him again, reject him honestly, unambiguously and kindly. Do not give him a laundry list of what didn’t work for you.
If he opens doors, helps you with your coat, or demonstrates old-fashioned gentlemanly courtesy, smile and thank him. He is signaling that he wants to treat you in a romantic way. If he doesn’t do these things, it could be because another woman has chastised him. Don’t go there!
Even the funniest “dumb man” joke can fall flat on a date. Women who talk about how incompetent men are, how women don’t need them, or how all men are jerks or insensitive are…well, insensitive. Let’s face it, why would anyone go out with someone who looks down on him?
After the first couple of dates, you should offer to pay for drinks, dessert, or a meal. This sends the message that you are willing to be a potential partner. Never pick up the receipt, when he pays for a date, in order to write it off on your taxes.
If you treat each date as if he is your potential best friend, not only will you have more fun, you’ll increase the odds of chemistry sneaking up on both of you. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll both leave with your dignity and respect intact.
Contact me with your dating questions and suggestions annie@getalovelife.net
Midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles frustrated with the dating scene and helps them to transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program.
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