Reality shows: 'Real Chance of Love', 'My Antonio' and your daughter

September 15, 4:04 PMHouston Parenting Teens ExaminerGina Carroll

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Should your daughter watch?  What is she learning ?

I was up late the other night (which is rare) and I turned on the television (which is also rare) as I folded laundry. I came upon VH-1’s, Real Chance of Love Reality Show. Evidently, the stars of this show Real and Chance, a brother duo from California, first came into celebrity as contestants on the I Love New York Reality show. But when the infamous TV bad girl, New York, who is also a love reality show reject, “kicked them off the island” so to speak, Real and Chance got their own show, too. On their show, 15 women move into the “Stallionaire Ranch” and vie for their love. Viewers get the “opportunity” to be a fly on-the-wall as these women humiliate themselves and these men pretend to have interest in them. Right after Real Chance of Love, My Antonio comes on. On this show, a group of woman compete for the love of soap opera star, Antonio Sabato Jr. Same kind of show---same over-used model of “love” competition, where at the end of the show someone is rejected and has to go home.

I hate these shows. Besides the fact that they are cheesy and the lowest form of television programming (which would make them the lowest of an already abysmally low standard), they make women look so bad. In this episode of My Antonio, the women had to climb a rocky mountain in evening dresses as Antonio watched from the top. Who would want to date someone who would demean them in this way? And who wants a woman who is willing to be so demeaned? Do Antonio , Real and Chance really think their dream girl is in this group of desperate women? I doubt it. But these women, with all of their make up and body enhancements and scanty clothing, think so. At least they spend a lot of time fighting and crying about it. It’s pathetic, really. Pathetic is the most appropriate word.

Teenagers watch these shows and they watch them religiously. What messages are these shows sending to girls across America? Since this reality show genre is proliferating seemingly by the minute, shouldn't we be concerned about the lessons they instill about :

Beauty – which is, strive for the standard of beauty no matter what the cost to your body, self image or integrity.
How to find love- which is, let’s all just line up like a brothel roll call and let some pseudo-celebrity guy make us feel lesser, humiliated and/or lucky?
How to fight (literally) for your man-- which is, ignore that rational inner-voice that is saying, “RUN and SAVE YOURSELF” and instead drown it out by repeating, “I am not a quitter. I am not a quitter!” until you get the boot.
How to manipulate for what you want—which is, when all else fails, cry. Really the lesson is clear here-- The one who proves to be the most desperate, conniving and/or disingenuous, wins.
How to find a worthy mate—which is, as long as he is a celebrity…and other girls want him, you should want him, too.

Who are these guys, anyway?
Antonio? A perennial soap opera heart throb.
Real and Chance? Reality show rejects who were rejected by a reality show reject. Oh, and musicians.
Flava Flav? An over-the-hill used-to-be-famous rap artist.
Oh, the list of winners goes on. If these men were successful, worthy, hard-working men, they’d have real jobs and not be reality-show-hoppers, who have used up their 15 minutes of fame and are trying desperately to stretch it to 20.

Do these shows have a negative affect on girls? How could they not? There is nothing positive or uplifting or worthy of emulation about the women who participate in these competitions. Can we blame reality shows for the fact that violence between girls is at an all time high on high school campuses? I don’t know. But just guess what is the primary cause of the fighting among these girls? That’s right, boyfriends, potential boyfriends and each other’s boyfriends. So whether or not the reality show messages are hitting home, the behaviors certainly reinforce this female-on–female disharmony.

It is no small matter that many teens, girls especially, felt that Rihanna probably deserved the beating she received from her then boyfriend, Chris Brown. Do reality shows contribute to this kind of relationship violence? I don’t know. But I do know that the extreme imbalance in relational power between the man in the reality show scenario and the women who are all working against each other to meet his every whim, is not healthy. Young girls getting a constant diet of this kind of dynamic will not likely come away with an empowered perception of women in general or of themselves in particular.

There is so much on television to watch. Isn’t it best to steer your kids away from shows that set them up for relationship imbalances and unhealthy expectations. It’s hard enough to teach them how to love without the input from such unreal reality show dramas. If you will not take charge and turn off the programming, at least remind your kids that these shows are not real. Reality shows are staged, manipulated dramas using people who are willing to play along for the chance at fame and fortune. The couples never, ever stay together. And what you see has been set up, cut, spliced and served up for you just like any other fictional drama on TV.

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