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Changing our perspective of starting over
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Starting over
Lately I've been hearing a lot of people saying that they are starting over or back at the bottom after a job loss, a breakup/divorce, a death in the family, injury, bankruptcy, weight gain (and weight loss), or a move. Events such as these can change us into fearful people who no longer want to risk again. "I'll never go through this again" is usually the follow-up statement that shows that there has been hurt and pain and it was probably more than they wanted to bear. I know because I've been here.
What does it mean to start over exactly? Let's define it. For me, starting over means I failed at something. I leaped into a situation with both feet, free falling into the experience, and ended up with my face six-foot deep in cow dung on top of a Mt. Everest-sized landfill pile. Now, not only do I have to pick up the pieces and begin again, but I have to clean up all the crap that's on me and surrounding me. Your definition may not be as smelly as mine or it could be worse than mine (God help ya if it is!), but whatever it is, write it down.
Now lets change our glasses and try to change our perspective. The most powerful statement I read this weekend came from Louise Hay's infamous book You Can Heal Your Life: "[y]our mind is a tool you can choose to use any way you wish." This statement stopped me in my tracks because I feel my mind runs my life. I sat there thinking, "you mean I'm not doomed to keep my crappy life, full of regrets, and coulda, woulda, shouldas, failures, and betrayals? You mean I have a choice in this matter?" The answer is yes.
Our definition of starting over doesn't have to stay the same, we can change it to something more fulfilling, exciting, thrilling, and loving. We can choose to see the growth we've made during the experience that has caused us to start over. We can choose to be excited about the endless possibilities that lay before us now that we are no longer doing xyz or being who we used to be. We can choose to see new avenues, we can choose to do a new thing, and we can choose to take more risks instead of less. Or we can choose to keep our face in cow dung and continue swatting at the endless hordes of flies that seem to follow us.
If I wanted to redefine my definition of starting over into something more empowering and vivacious, I would write: Starting over means I've left the cocoon and now I'm a beautiful butterfly. I took a risk or a chance and felt exhilarated throughout the entire experience. Starting over means I now have a stronger foundation and am better prepared for what's to come. Starting over means that everything I've learned can be of use to someone who is in a similar situation as I. Starting over means I am more in touch with the depth of my emotions and feeling all of them makes me feel more alive. Starting over is exciting and I know that the best is yet to come."
I can look at my new definition and choose to accept the possibility of its truthfulness or I can choose to turn away. But if I make the choice to see that perhaps starting over isn't so bad, maybe, just maybe, I will be willing to align my actions with my new definition. If for nothing else, just for the hell of it, I would try to make the new definition my truth just to see what happens.
Are you game to do the same thing?
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