The Gayocalypse

May 26, 6:19 PMApocalypse ExaminerWyatt Shev

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The battle may be over, but the war is far from won

Word came down from up high this morning... there will be no gay marriage in the state of California.

At least for now.

The California Supreme Court decided today to uphold a same-sex marriage ban that has been in place since the success of the controversial Prop 8 ballot initiative in last November's general elections. Before Prop 8 came along to ruin the party, the state of California had recognized close to 20,000 same-sex marriages. 

Of course, today's 6 -1 ruling saw the mandatory mass protests in cities like Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco. Somewhat ironically, the decision was handed down in San Francisco's Supreme Court.

I don't know if you've ever been to San Francisco, but I have. And let me tell you, it's one of the gayest places on Earth. Definitely a strange choice of locale to shoot down the hopes and dreams of gay marriage advocates across the State.

The court is dominated by Republican appointees- which pretty much explains everything. In case you haven't read my blog before, I'm not the biggest fan of the Grand Old Party.

These leathery Godfearin' dinosaurs are afraid that same-sex marriage will destroy the basic tenets of real marriage- that is, marriage between a man and a woman. Or, in some cases, a man and several women.

They're afeared of the Gayocalypse.

Now, I'm married myself, so I think I know what I'm talkin' about here. I say, if gays in California want to experience everything that makes a real marriage- jealousy, deceit, chronic boredom, complete and utter lack of fulfilment leading to an inevitable downward spiral- then let 'em. Could it really hurt?

I mean, just how sacred is modern marriage, anyhow?

Seriously, if conservatives and Republicans really have something against gays, then why not let them get married? Hell, why not actively encourage it? In time, they'll get to be as miserable as the rest of us, and in a way, the conservatives will have won. I'm assuming their primary objective is to make everyone around them as miserable as possible.

I thought it might be amusing to traipse around some of the more conservative Religion and Spirituality Examiner pages on one of my infamous 'Bigot Hunts'. Predictably, the religious nutjobs and conservative crackpots have come out in full force to celebrate this latest victory in their misdirected war of hate and unsubstantiated fear. Below, I've shared excerpts from two very different Examiners, who both essentially have the same thing to say.

Take today's post from Bill Belew, the Christian Worldview Examiner. It's a very short post indeed- in fact, one that falls well under the recommended word count for all Examiner articles. Billy is a man of brevity, though certainly not grace, as evidenced below...

Nice one there, Archie Bunker. I kind of hope you get cancer.

Just kidding.

I'll be praying you get cancer.

Onto the second item...  an excerpt from today's post by Evangelism Examiner Jake Jones. Unlike Billy Boy, Jake has a clear and concise voice, and certainly isn't prone to childish taunts and insults. But this excerpt should certainly chill a few liberal-minded bones... I know it scared the bejesus out of me.

Christians all around the country, especially Christians who hold ‘true’ family values are thankful that the Cal. Supreme Court      recognized the rule of law. People with moral and religious beliefs, people who want to protect their children from dealing with issues beyond their maturity, may face discrimination. Californians will need to stay atop of the issue to protect marriage and their religious freedoms and parental rights. The game ain’t over yet!

Certainly a well-crafted argument. But I do have a couple of issues with this. Firstly, I believe myself to be a somewhat moral person (emphasis on 'somewhat'). To lump everyone with 'moral beliefs' into the anti gay marriage movement is a little bit of a stretch. Jake, we may not believe in the same God- in fact, I don't believe in one at all. But that doesn't mean we don't share some basic 'moral beliefs'. I dig you guys on the 'thou shalt not kill, rob, bear false witness' stuff, and a lot of the gay people I know do too.

Secondly, what's with all the talk about the poor little children? If parents don't want their children exposed to the evils of gay marriage, the answer is simple- don't take your kids to a gay marriage ceremony. We live in a country where lethal gun attacks are tragically common, where the poor and hungry fend for themselves on the streets, a country where torture is supposedly acceptable, as long as it's in the nation's best interests (which generally involve the gluttish consumption of Middle Eastern crude). Your kids can switch on the TV every night to find each of these atrocities and much, much more on the evening news. And you're worried about children 'dealing with issues beyond their maturity'? Is gay marriage more of a threat to society than, say, a semi-automatic rifle in the hands of a mentally unhinged white male?

Shall we start to censor the news, so our precious little children won't have to discover the reality about the world we live in? Wait, don't answer that.

This latest decision from the California Supreme Court is an enormous step backwards. I mean, they have gay marriage in Iowa now.

Iowa, for Chrissakes.

They say 'the nation follows California'. Let's hope that ain't the case this time around.

There are now only 1304 days left until the End of the World.