Weekly Survival Tip #3- Drinkin' urine

March 21, 4:39 AMApocalypse ExaminerWyatt Shev

Previous Next

1 comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Apocalypse Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Inescapable future of humanity

Question- what’s there to drink in a barren, bone-dry post-apocalyptic wasteland?

Answer- your own urine, of course!

Yes, drinking your own aqua vitae is no longer just for crazy New Age health nuts or your weird elderly relatives from Eastern Europe.  Survivors of Armageddon the world over are turning to urine in order to slake that mighty nuclear thirst. So suppress those queasy feelings, grab a glass and get to it! Your continued existence may depend on it.

But wait a moment- there’s a few things you might want to know before you start drinking from the old flesh spigot. Keep these ‘golden’ rules in mind as you explore this exciting new survivalist trend.

First things first- urine is sterile, which means it’s A-OK to drink. By the time this miracle fluid leaves your body, it’s composed of over 95% water. Your body needs water. Do the math.

Now, if you’re concerned about the taste- and you should be- consider vegetarianism. The pee of meat-eaters contains a lot of something called urea; which- apparently- tastes as disgusting as it sounds. If you’re particularly squeamish, you may want to consider the following basic purification process-

Grab a bucket or saucepan; some plastic cling film and a glass. Arrange the glass in the center of your receptacle of choice, and stretch the film over the whole contraption, placing a small weight in the center so that the film ‘dips’ over the cup. It should be noted here that your pee should already be in the receptacle- if not, go back and start the process afresh. Now throw the whole damn thing outside and let the sun do its thing. After a good few hours, you should have a few drops of vaguely purified ‘water’ in your cup. Probably would have been a better idea to just man-up and take it straight from the source, right? Believe me- on a long enough timeline, you will.

What’s the matter? Don’t believe me that your very own urine could one day save your life? Consider the story of a Chinese man, trapped under rubble in the May 2008 Sichuan earthquake. This plucky dude survived six days in the darkness- in part, according to the Wall Street Journal, by drinking his own urine. Besides, J.D. Salinger was a famous proponent of the practise, and he wrote Catcher in the Rye, and that’s considered one of the great American classics. If that’s not enough to encourage you to take the pee-plunge, then I have failed.

An important note for prospective urine-drinkers- it ain’t all fun and games. You can only drink your own pee for a day or two tops- after that, you’re really gonna need to find some water. If you continue to recycle your own liquids, all that nasty stuff your kidneys were attempting to get rid off will end up right back where it started. Eventually your urine will become concentrated with harmful bodily wastes and you WILL die- either from dehydration, or complete renal meltdown when your poor old kidneys fail. Also, try to refrain from drinking the urine of others- this is a great way to transmit all manner of exotic diseases.

So don’t be greedy- stick to drinking your own pee.

There are now only 1370 days left until the End of the World.