My theme park ride operator career, part 2: E.T. calls back

March 25, 12:35 PMNY Underground Travel ExaminerDJ Hazard

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It was December, 1994, in North Hollywood. A full-page ad in the LA Sunday Times job section said it all. Universal Studios Theme Park was hiring temporary help for the month. I figured, “What the hell, grocery money AND another ‘life experience’ for my acting resume.”

In a nutshell, if you were not a convicted murderer or expressed a strong desire to become one, you got a Christmas job at Universal. If you could add, subtract and multiply a bunch of numbers, which apparently I couldn’t, you worked at a concession stand. If you were not really good at ANYTHING, you walked around the park and swept crap into a box on a stick. If you fell anywhere in between, it was welcome to Ride Operations. There were two rides that needed extra people, BACK TO THE FUTURE and ET: THE ADVENTURE. My job-hiring guy flipped a mental coin. I was extraterrestrial bound.

Everybody who got hired, people who could count, people who could sweep and people like me, got lectures from super-happy human resource types for a week. We learned the history of Universal (it used to be a chicken farm). We learned about the multinational conglomerate that owned Universal, in case we wanted to invest, I guess. We learned how to treat people, how not to treat people, about dress codes, fires and nuclear attacks.

Basically, we watched a lot of movies about how we were now ambassadors to the world and representatives of one of the most powerful and creative entities in that world… at least until we all got ditched in January. We were told to always stop what we were doing to help a ‘guest’. We learned the layout of the park like he backs of our hands and the emergency codes like the backs of our other hands.

First aid lessons and lawsuit prevention eventually brought us to Central Wardrobe. Everybody got perfectly fitted for our respective uniforms, and then we never saw that perfectly fitting uniform again. Employees were expected to arrive twenty to thirty minutes before each shift, receiving and returning their uniforms at a place that looked like the biggest dry cleaning shop on Earth. The ET uniform was matching tan bombardier jacket and slacks, with a green Izod-looking shirt. ET people had to supply their own tan work boots.

BACK TO THE FUTURE people got to wear Hawaiian shirts and lab coats, like Doc Brown. I asked what we were supposed to be. No one was sure, but the consensus was that we were part of the government science team that was after the little space monkey. Anyway, what came back from Central Wardrobe every day never fit right and you walked around all day looking like Jethro Bodine.

Early one morning, I showed up at the pre-arranged area of employeeland and met my fellow inductees, all of us tugging at our ill-fitting space monkey chasing regalia. Besides myself, there was Carl (a Black Muslim), John (a Spanish guy), Jennifer (an eighteen-year old free spirit from the Valley) and a small, quiet woman whose named we could never pronounce. There was also some metal-head kid, but he seemed totally overwhelmed by EVERYTHING and quit by the end of the day. It was there and then that we were met and commandeered by Charles.        

Next chapter: Charles in charge