Man of means by no means...

March 11, 9:52 AMNY Underground Travel ExaminerDJ Hazard

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Just checking in to see how you’re doing. So, how are you doing? How are they treating you? How’s the car running?

How are they treating you and How’s the car running are great ice breakers. If you travel as much as I do, you are always the odd guy out, the stranger, the arriving whomever. People love to talk about themselves, so ask them about themselves. Take an interest in them. Hear what they have to say.

Here’s a few more Motel MacGyverisms for you that you can add to last week’s Everything I Need To Know I learned In Motel Rooms (www.examiner.com/x-4489-NY-Underground-Travel-Examiner~y2009m2d27-Everything-I-need-to-know-I-learned-in-motel-rooms).

Coolest Luggage In The World:

Get yourself (if you don’t have one) a quality mid-sized ice chest. Not the Styrofoam jobs- a good, sturdy piece of equipment with a latching lid. Motels (and hotels) are sometimes crap shoots as to whether or not they have a fridge in the room. Sure, you can call ahead or check online, but I often find myself either (a) picking the next establishment I find that looks affordable and won’t get me killed and (b) having the accommodations already selected for me.

If that’s the case, you'll be glad you used your cooler as your suitcase! Check in, unpack and head down the street for groceries, fearing not be they perishable. Then you fill up your cooler with ice and goodies and you’re in business. Groceries are always cheaper than eating out. Some rooms, especially in casinos, never have refrigerators or even a coffee maker, as they don’t want you spending any more time in your room holding on to your wages than necessary.

When it’s time to go, empty and wipe dry your cooler, throw all your stuff back into it and vamoose like the clever fox you now are. My cooler didn’t have a handle on the top, just two big swinging ‘door knockers’ on each end. I ran some nice, comfortable, medium gauge nautical rope from one handle to the other, leaving enough slack for it to rest around the side of the cooler when not in use and therefore not impeding the lid. Nautical rope, unlike clothesline or twine, is strong but much softer to the touch, especially when you're using it to lift a hefty cooler suitcase.

An added bonus is, if you’re a bus and train land pirate like I’ve been of late, the cooler also makes a great seat while you’re waiting in line at the station.

You Can’t Spell Funnel Without Fun:

If you’re setting up shop with solids and liquids, the situation may arise where you need to pour something from one container to another. Frozen orange juice, powdered drink mixes and Brandy Alexanders come to mind. Don’t forget all the trouble Fox Mulder had making screwdrivers in his motel room. After you read this, he’s going to wish he met you. 

Invest in a two liter bottle of your favorite whatever-comes-in-two-liter-bottles. You can never go wrong with water. When consumed, neatly slice around the bottle about four inches from the top. I supposed at this point I should mention that I’m talking about a plastic bottle. Voila! You now have a funnel and a 1.5 liter general purpose decanter, as well.

Super Bowl Of Coffee:

Sometimes I’ve found myself in motel/hotels that have little kitchenettes. Sometimes these little kitchenettes are appointed with utensils and cookware. Sometimes they have everything except, for some reason, a coffee pot.

I’ve also been in situations where I’m house sitting or somehow invited to stay at a friend’s place. The friend isn’t there and neither is most of the furniture. The friend is either moving in or moving out and somehow I’ve been asked/allowed to camp out in an almost empty abode.

Both these scenarios have the same challenge. Making pot-less coffee. If all you can scrounge up is a saucepan to boil water, a colander and a mixing bowl, you are in business. This invention actually was born when I was house sitting, but it has reprised in the under-applianced motel kitchenette archetype as well.

Next, all you need is some paper towels. In a jam, a clean wash cloth or handkerchief will do. Do you see where I’m going with all this? Place the colander in the mixing bowl and line it with paper towels. Boil a pot full of water and spoon coffee grounds into the lined colander, in proportion to the amount of water being boiled (and desired strength, as they say).

Pour the boiling water slowly and evenly over the coffee grounds, leaving time for drainage. No need to rush. The ‘water level’ may actually rise and flood the colander. This isn’t a bad thing. As long as the paper towel or whatever you’re using can take the soaking, it’s all now a nice steeping reaction.

When you think it’s brewed sufficiently, gently raise the colander from the bowl, allowing further drainage as it ascends from Lake Coffee. Place colander in sink and deal with later. Transfer bowl of coffee to now-empty saucepan and keep it warm over a very low flame. Enjoy.

Now, I’ve also been in the situation where you have a saucepan for boiling water, but no colander, no mixing boil. This calls for Super Crazy Tough Guy Coffee. Bring the water to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in desired amount of coffee grounds and let it steep.

You’re really going to have to use a handkerchief or a washcloth in this exercise and you place it over your mug and optimally secure it all around with a rubber band. If you can, create a little concave depression in the cloth. Yes, my babies, you see where I’m going with this, as well.

Pour the coffee, straining it though the cloth, into the mug. Double enjoy! You’ve earned it!

More info:

Google ice chests: outdoor-living.hardwarestore.com/58-235-ice-chests.aspx

Wikipedia Coffee: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee