The Official Unofficial 2009 NFL Draft Timeline (pt.2)

April 25, 6:54 PMNFL ExaminerReid Kerr

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The Official Unofficial 2009 NFL Draft Day Timeline (part 2):

5:04pm: ESPN's cutaway shows Freeman being interviewed by the NFL Network's Deion Sanders, thus reminding all of us why we're watching ESPN and not the NFL Network.

5:06pm: The Denver Broncos take defensive end Robert Ayers.

5:09pm: With nothing else to do, the ESPN analysts go back to yelling at Denver for trading Jay Cutler.

5:13pm: Cleveland trades down again, giving the Eagles the nineteenth pick to select wide receiver Jeremy Maclin. Without making a pick today, the Browns have acquired six draft picks, three players, two trainers, a stadium announcer, a case of new footballs, and a rare first edition of "Twilight."

5:20pm: With Detroit's second pick in the first round, they take tight end Brandon Pettigrew. Since Detroit was dead last in the NFL in defense last year and might start a rookie quarterback, there's a chance that Pettigrew might wind up leading the team in tackles just bringing guys down after interceptions.

5:28pm: The Minnesota Vikings select receiver Percy Harvin with the twenty-second pick. This is the first time the Vikings have taken a wide receiver in the first round since Troy Williamson in 2005, which gives Harvin an awful lot to live down to.

5:31pm: ESPN discusses what Chris Mortenson calls Harvin's "Red Flag issues," including his positive drug test at the NFL Combine. How stupid do you have to be to test positive for a drug test you that know is coming, at a million-dollar job interview? That's like showing up drunk for your appearance on "Jeopardy."

5:34pm: The Patriots trade their draft pick to Baltimore because, well, that's what the Patriots do. The Ravens take tackle Michael Oher with the twenty-third pick.

5:41pm: Atlanta takes defensive tackle Peria Jerry with the twenty-fourth pick. Somewhere, former Falcons quarterback Michael Vick sighs dejectedly, and goes back to washing prison lunch trays.

5:53pm: The Patriots trade down from the twenty-sixth pick, just to show Cleveland how it's done.

5:55pm: Green Bay drafts linebacker Clay Matthews, who appears to have his entire family decked out in an endorsement deal for some suplement. Quite classy. "No mom, we're all wearing the BLACK MuscleRoids.com t-shirts for the live shot. And hurry! Splay the product attractively around the living room while we all try and look stronger!" Come on, Clay's dad played for almost two decades in the league, you'd think they'd have enough money saved up to wait until after junior actually got drafted to start shilling products.

6:04pm: The Bills take center Eric Wood with the twenty-eighth pick. When asked about his team's draft choice, Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens admits he has no idea what a "center" is.

6:09pm: The Giants take receiver wide receiver Hakeem Nicks, in hopes he'll take the place of Plaxico Burress. Having learned their lesson, the Giants drafted Nicks because he's a big, physical receiver with strong hands who shows up for practice and doesn't own a handgun.

6:26pm:  The Arizona Cardinals take Chris "Beanie" Wells with the thirty-first pick. Somewhere, Edgerrin James takes his family out to dinner, then stops at the post office on the way home for change-of-address labels.

6:32pm: The Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers finish out the first round by taking defensive tackle Ziggy Hood.

6:45pm: ESPN shows a retrospective from the last twenty years of their coverage. Frighteningly, Mel Kiper Draft Expert does not appear to have aged at all over the course of the draft. As Richard is to the island on Lost, so Mel Kiper Draft Expert is to the NFL Draft. It sustains him...forever.