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Looking Back With Sarcasm: The 2004 NFL Draft (pt.2)

For part one of the 2004 NFL Draft Day timeline, click here. 

 
11:45AM - The Arizona Cardinals select wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald. Analyst Michael Irvin says Fitzgerald will be a Hall Of Famer. Mel Kiper, Draft Expert counters by saying that Fitzgerald will one day be selected Pope.

11:58AM - The New York Giants select quarterback Philip Rivers. Since Rivers is the player San Diego originally targeted, most analysts speculate they are selecting him to trade to the Chargers. This means San Diego used the first pick in the draft to select a player they not only didn't have as the best player on their boards, but a player who also hates them.

11:59AM - Paul Tagliabue goes ahead and writes the words "San Diego" at the top of his notes for the 2005 Draft.

12:07PM - While at the podium announcing the Redskins pick of safety Sean Taylor, Tagliabue announces that New York and San Diego have swapped their picks this year. New York also gives up a third round pick this year, a first and fifth round pick next year, and a lovely fruit basket.

12:18PM - Everyone suddenly remembers that Sean Taylor was drafted eleven minutes ago.

12:20PM - Cleveland trades up one slot to take tight end Kellen Winslow II: Return of the King.

12:28PM - Detroit selects receiver Roy Williams. Michael Irvin chides Williams for staying in college for his senior season. Mel Kiper, Draft Expert counters by knocking Williams for brushing after meals.

12:49PM - Jacksonville selects wide receiver Reggie Williams. This leads to a rare occurence, as the Draft crowd is momentarily too stunned to boo.

12:57PM - Pittsburgh selects quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Tommy Maddox realizes he'll soon be eligible to win the "Comeback Player Of The Year" award again.

1:15PM - The first misspelled "Rothlisberger" jerseys hit the stores in Pittsburgh.

1:50PM - Philadelphia trades up to select offensive tackle Shawn Andrews, even though they already have Tra Thomas and Jon Runyan at tackle. In an interview, Eagles coach Andy Reid admits he also buys his shoes in sets of three.

2:05PM - New Orleans selects defensive tackle Will Smith. Eight seconds later, Smith is the recipient of his first professional "Fresh Prince" joke.

2:48PM - Although Dallas is in severe need of a running back, they pass on Oregon State's Steven Jackson and give their pick to Buffalo, trading out of the first round completely.

4:36PM - The first round ends. In Washington D.C., Vice President Dick Cheney awards a no-bid contract to Halliburton to clean up the mess left by Dallas's draft pick.

5:15PM - Maurice Clarett ponders becoming the best-known running back the Arena Football League has ever known.

 

More Draft Day mayhem:
2008 NFL Draft (Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco) timeline, click here. 
2007 NFL Draft (Adrian Peterson, Calvin Johnson) timeline, click here. 
2006 NFL Draft (Vince Young, Reggie Bush) timeline, click here.  
2005 NFL Draft (Alex Smith, Pacman Jones) timeline, click here.  
2003 NFL Draft (Carson Palmer, Charles Rogers) timeline, click here.  
2002 NFL Draft (David Carr, Joey Harrington) timeline, click here.
2001 NFL Draft (Michael Vick, LT, Philip Rivers) timeline, click here.  
2000 NFL Draft (Courtney Brown, Sebastian Janikowski) timeline, click here.
1999 NFL Draft (Ricky Williams, Donovan McNabb) timeline, click here.