
So I'm thinking maybe I should get myself one of those Sasha Fierce/Chris Gaines alter egos. It seems to be working out for
Beyonce although as far as I can tell, Sasha Fierce is just Beyonce with more wind machines on stage blowing her hair around. I think I'll be Rock McJohnson. Or perhaps Blain Thunderwood. I wonder how would "Rip Stalwart" would look on a byline.
On to the picks. It was another good week for me, I went 12-3 with one tie which not even Donovan McNabb can explain. I guess for the Bengals, the first step in winning is to learn how not to lose. They've got that down.
Anyway, here are the NFL picks for week eleven. As always, these are merely the opinions of one man. Did I mention I'm 25-4-1 over the past two weeks? Even though I could get a payday off of a parking meter right now, these should not be used as the basis for any financial investment of any kind. If rash develops, discontinue usage.
WEEK TWELVE:
Buffalo at Kansas City - Blaming the Bills loss to Cleveland on a last-minute missed field goal and ignoring Trent Edwards throwing three interceptions on his first six passes is like complaining about having a flat tire when your car is on fire.
Pick: Bills
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - Here's the difference in these two franchises, last week Cincinnati couldn't get a single point in the last forty minutes of the game to get a win. Pittsburgh could actually give away a touchdown in regulation and still have enough points for a W.
Pick: Steelers
San Francisco at Dallas - Pacman Jones is back with Dallas, but the Cowboys are not
providing him with bodyguards any longer. Appropriately, security at Dallas strip clubs is now at DEFCON 1 level.
Pick: Cowboys
Minnesota at Jacksonville - Alleged Jaguars receiver Troy Williamson said he'd like to "
duke it out" with Vikings coach Brad Childress after Childress traded the former first-rounder for a sixth round pick and a bag of dirt. I hate to break it to Troy, but NFL coaches aren't really interested in your right jab or how you perform in the octagon. Your whopping four catches this season aren't exactly going to show him the error of his ways.
Pick: Jags
NY Giants at Arizona - The Cardinals have benched Edgerrin James, and also
declined to release him. I guess the next step is to bring in Louis Gossett Jr. to scream at him until he quits.
Pick: Giants
Oakland at Denver - Oakland has gone 180 plays
without an offensive touchdown. In his defense, Al Davis has also gone fifty days without getting a grievance filed by
a fired coach who accuses Al of shorting his contract.
Pick: Broncos
Philadelphia at Baltimore - Donovan McNabb did not know that NFL games could end in ties. He also doesn't know you can defer the coin flip, dropkick the ball, or file a restraining order against Ray Lewis.
Pick: Ravens
Washington at Seattle - This isn't exactly the final ride to glory that Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren was hoping for. "ER" is even having a better final season than Holmgren, and nobody's watched that in five years.
Pick: Redskins
Chicago at St. Louis - Marc Bulger and the Rams have said they want interim coach Jim Haslett
back next season. Bulger's 8 interceptions and 7 touchdowns kind of makes this the NFL's version of the "Ralph Nader endorsement."
Pick: Bears
Tampa Bay at Detroit - The Lions are 0-10, their worst start since 2001 when they began 0-12. See, that's how bad the Lions have been. They can drop ten straight games, and it's not even their worst team in the last Presidential administration.
Pick: Bucs
New England at Miami - Anyone who thought prior to the season that Miami would be favored in this game is either insane, or lost in time like that "Life On Mars" guy.
Pick: Patriots
Also, I'll take the Falcons over Panthers, Chargers over Colts, Saints over Packers, Browns over Texans, the Jets to finally beat the Titans, Oklahoma over Texas Tech, "The Shield" over any other cop drama, and being Al Pacino over being named "
Dalcapone Alpaccino."
Last Week: 12-3-1 (78%) 101-58-1 (63%) overall.